If you've ever watched a romantic comedy or any kind of angst-ridden teen show, you're probably familiar with the stereotypical signs of a bad relationship. Obviously, domestic abuse is a major red flag and there are several other blatant, played out tropes presented in media. But, what about the unexpected signs you're in the wrong relationship? How to you know which warning signs are uncommon if they're, well, not very common? As it turns out, quite a few of my friends ended things with their significant others for reasons you wouldn't find in a typical dating advice column in a magazine.
That's not to say that your relationship is doomed just because you can check off a couple unusual boxes. But,it never hurts to take a step back and look at the state of your partnership with a fresh pair of eyes. With that said, if you think that you might be coupled up with a toxic partner, it's never to late to reach out for help and support to leave an unhealthy relationship. So, if you've been a bit blinded by love (or lust) and missed a red flag or two, then you might want to check out these unexpected signs that you're in the wrong relationship.
This may sound like a joke, but there really is such a thing as someone making you feel sick to your stomach. As relationship expert Sofia Milan told Reader's Digest, if you're feeling physically ill, that could be your body's way of telling you that your relationship is unhealthy. So if your head doesn't want to process the situation, you can count on your stomach ulcers to let you know your significant other is causing you too much stress.
2You're Not Relaxed
Do you feel like you can't be yourself or that you need to be "on" in your partnership? If you've been together for a solid chunk of time and you're still not able to feel completely comfortable with your partner, you're probably in the wrong relationship, as noted in The Washington Post. It might not initially be a big deal, but it's still indicative that you're with the wrong significant other.
3They're Not The First One You Call
No one likes to think about experiencing a tragedy, but who would be the first person you'd reach out to for comfort? Relationship expert Dr. Alice Boyes told Business Insider that,"you never turn to each other for emotional support — you look to other people first." So you might not be in the right relationship if you — consciously or not — don't believe your partner could provide the level of care you need.
4They Shower You With Attention
Despite what movies and television shows would have you believe, having a doting partner isn't all it's cracked up to be. As psychoanalyst Dr. Sue Kolod explained to Reader's Digest, constant attention, "is an attempt to control and manipulate without interference from the partner's support system." You might want to give things a second thought if you've realized that they never want to be apart from you.
5Your Shared Resources Aren't Balanced
Though it's normal for couples in committed relationships to share the same living space, car, or even bank account, it's important that things are truly equal. According the official site of the University of Washington's Hall Health Center (HHC), if one partner own the majority of your shared necessities, this could lead to an unhealthy tip of the scale in terms of control.
6You Justify Your Needs
Do you feel like you have to prove yourself or your needs? As therapist Dr. John Kim told Psychology Today, "there’s a difference between seeking approval and validation, which we all do to a certain extent, and seeking your worth or value." Being in the wrong relationship can be as simple as crossing from wanting validation to proving your value.
7You're Good, Not Better
You might think that for a relationship to be a poor fit, it must be really awful. But, sometimes being stagnant is just as bad. As Boyes explained to Business Insider, if, "you can't identify any ways you've positively influenced each other," you shouldn't still be there.
8You & Your SO Don't Mix Well
When you picture an isolated relationship, it's typically one partner controlling the other. But what about when it's you who doesn't want your personal life to mix with anything else? As psychotherapist M. Gary Neuman told The Huffington Post, if your partner is kept separate from other areas of your life — such as work, friends, family, etc. — that typically means there's a part of you that already knows this isn't a healthy relationship.
9No One Takes Responsibility
You and your significant other don't have to be engaged in screaming matches or breaking dishes for things to be considered toxic. According to the HHC, if neither partner is willing to take responsibility — for mistakes, finances, direction, etc. — then your relationship is unguided and likely the wrong fit for you.
10You're Just Watching
Does your relationship seem like it's in auto-pilot mode? As Kim told Psychology Today, engaging and actively participating are key components of a good relationship. So, in contrast, if you feel like you're just going through the motions and watching your relationship go by, then you probably aren't with the right partner.
11They Tease You
It may seem like harmless play, but if your partner constantly makes jokes about you, your features, or leaving you, they're actually verbally abusing you and passing it off as teasing, as Boyes explained. Plus, if you ask them to stop and they ignore you, then that pretty much seals the deal.