After a long day worrying, corralling kids, or generally dealing with life, sex may be the last thing on your mind. It’s understandable. When your day is consumed with a never ending to-do list, making time for satisfying sex — or wanting it — can be difficult. It happens to even the horniest of humans. But there’s good news. Even if your sex drive has taken a bit of a nose dive, there are many ways to get more turned on without feeling like you’re forcing it (or having to rely on female viagra.)
Just to be clear—there’s nothing wrong with having a low libido. Like I said earlier, it happens to everyone at some point. Having a history of sexual trauma, like many people do, can make sex more complicated. The everyday ebb and flow of a relationship can stunt your sex life, as can the physical and emotional changes of having a baby. There are many reason people choose to pause their sexual activity, and that’s totally OK. At the end of the day, you have to do what feels right for you.
That being said, there are lots of ways to get your juices flowing if you want to want it more. Here are some simple things you can do to help yourself get in the mood for loving.
1. Start Sexting
Sexting isn’t just for teens and political scandals— it’s a great way to get your libido going. Sending racy texts back and forth with your boo can increase anticipation and make you ready to jump their bones when you finally do get to see them.
2. Practice Meditation
Meditation can help you get in touch with your body and quiet your mind, according to Jill Blakeway, who literally wrote the book on sex and meditation. In an interview with Huffington Post, Blakeway explained that mediation has been known to help increase libido for a long time — as far back as 2,000 years ago when the ancient Taoists in China were writing about it. Meditating can be as simple as focusing on your breath, or you can download apps to guide you through it.
3. Watch Porn
Watching porn, alone or with a partner, is a great way to get ideas and get in the mood. For feminist and sex-positive porn, look into films by Tristan Taormino. For queer, feminist porn, watch porn by Courtney Trouble or check out The Crash Pad Series. And for amazing reviews of great porn, head to Hey Epiphora.
Pleasure begets pleasure — sometimes the more sex you have, the more sex you want (and yes, sex with yourself counts). Get your engine running on your own, and you may just stay revved up for your partner, too.
5. Read Something Titillating
Stimulating your brain is a great way to get yourself fantasizing and in the mood for stimulating other things, as well. Check out Violet Blue’s erotica recommendations, or for something that celebrates real, healthy kink, try Feminista Jones’ Push The Button. Of course, you also can’t go wrong with a classic like Anais Nin.
6.Talk To Your Gyno
If you’re experiencing a lower sex drive than you’d like, have a conversation with your doctor. Some medical conditions can affect libido, as can certain medications.
8. Practice Saying "No"
It’s OK to say no to sex if you’re not in the mood. Even if you’re in a relationship, you don’t owe sex to anyone if you don’t want it. Listening to your body and respecting what it wants is a great way to get in touch with your desires, and it will make it easier to articulate when you are in the mood.
9. Eat Less Junk Food
10. Practice Loving Yourself
When you’re feeling insecure and down on yourself, it’s hard to feel sexy or attractive. Learning to accept your body for what it is can be a lifelong journey, but walking that path can help you feel more comfortable in the body that you have. That comfort, in turn, can translate to an increased desire to let your guard down and get frisky.
11. Get In Touch With Your Cycle
Your hormones change throughout the month, which affects your sex drive. During the second week of your menstrual cycle, Marie Claire noted that an increase in estrogen and testosterone makes your libido rage, and makes orgasm more intense and easier to reach. Everyone’s body is different, so tracking your libido in relation to your menstrual cycle can help you learn your body and predict when you might be in the mood to get it on.