Most people enter into marriage full of love and hope for a long, happy life with their new spouse. But after the honeymoon's over, some brutal realities can set it. With daily arguments and fantasies about a life outside of your marriage, you may find the picture perfect life you once imagined for yourself to be hanging by a thread. So how do you spot the ways to know your marriage isn't worth fighting for and accept the reality that it's time to move on? It takes a little self-awareness and whole lot of honesty.
No marriage is without its set of challenges. Fights happen, you don't feel as close to your partner as you once did — but how do you know when common relationship issues cross over into the territory of marriage ending? After too long, ongoing problems will strain the marriage to breaking point. Being truthful about the fact that your marriage isn't salvageable is a delicate and emotional realization. However, living in denial won't do you or your spouse any favors either. To discern if you should go your separate ways, consider these 11 signs that your marriage isn't worth fighting for and see where you stand.
1. Your Gut Says So
Listening to your intuition or "gut feeling" usually leads you in the right direction. When Prevention magazine asked divorced women to name a sign their marriage wasn't salvageable, respondent Courtney Klein said she wished she had listened to her gut to not get married in the first place. Her intuition told her this man wasn't right for her, but she ignored that warning. If your gut is sending you the message that your marriage is over, it's probably speaking the truth.
2. You Can't Communicate
Being able to talk with and problem solve as a team is a vital part to any relationship, especially marriages. As Brides magazine pointed out, when you are no longer capable of communicating with each other in meaningful and productive ways, it's extremely difficult to make that marriage work.
3. Your Separation Has Dragged On
If you and your partner thought a trial separation would help you make some decisions about your marriage, there should be an expiration date on how long you stay apart. As Men's Health magazine pointed out, the longer living separately drags on, the more obvious it is that the marriage is not doing so hot.
4. You're Not Getting Any
If the mood in the bedroom has been cold for too long, it could be a sign that the marriage is fizzling. According to Good Housekeeping magazine, a sexless marriage may mean a bigger issue, like lack of intimacy is at play. When the intimacy and closeness is gone, it's hard to fight for the marriage.
5. You Share More With Others Than Your Spouse
Just because you're married doesn't mean you need to tell each other every single thought and idea. However, having more intimate conversations with people other than your spouse, and not sharing those thoughts or exchanges with your spouse, means you don't feel comfortable taking emotional risks with your partner, as the website for Oprah explained.
6. You're Relieved To Be Apart
It can happen without you being fully aware of what's going on, but disengaging from your spouse means the marriage is no longer vital. As Women's Day explained, if it feels like a relief when you're away from your spouse, you are no longer invested in the marriage.
7. You Don't Trust The Other Person
Being able to trust your partner is crucial to feeling safe in a marriage. So if trust is neither strong or able to be repaired, then a key element of a healthy relationship is missing, according to Psychology Today.
8. You Fantasize About Your Freedom
If you indulge in multiple daydreams of a happy future without your partner, that's a major sign that things aren't right, according to Redbook magazine. This is the beginning of detaching from your partner a let's you know you're not going to be willing to fight for the marriage.
9. You Don't Want Help
If the mention of couples therapy has one or both of you giving the thumbs down, then there is a lack of investment in the marriage, as Good Housekeeping pointed out. An unwillingness to explore all options of help shows that the marriage has expired.
10. You Don't Respect One Another
A lack of respect is a slippery slope in a marriage. Unless it turns around, trouble lies ahead. As Women's Day explained, marriages without respect are toxic and no longer civil.
11. Your Values & Beliefs Don't Align
You don't have to share the same opinions on everything in order to have a strong marriage, but some core values need to line up. As Psychology Today pointed out, "a relationship’s potential is significantly diminished if/when one person feels forced into a certain belief system, accepting it only because he or she fears rejection."