Children are like little sponges. They absorb everything they see and hear, and I do mean everything. If you've been known to let curse words fly in the company of your children, you're going to need these hilarious Instagram captions for when kids curse — because it's just a matter of time before you've got a foul-mouthed little parrot on your hands.
I really try not to curse in front of my kids, but it slips out more often than I'd like. A year ago, it wouldn't have mattered all that much. But now that my oldest is 3, I really do have to bite my tongue. She'll repeat everything she hears me say, so if I drop an S-bomb or even worse, an F-bomb, around the house, chances are she will, too. Part of me is aghast, and another part of me can't help but find it ridiculously funny to hear expletives in that sweet little voice. I'm sure it'll be way less funny when she starts school in the fall though, and her teacher takes issue with her tendency to blurt out "Frick it!" when she's frustrated. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
These 12 captions are perfect for when you've just gotta share your little's one R-rated rants with the world.
1. "Looks like potty mouth is genetic."
Let's be real, if your kiddo is swearing up a storm, you're the prime suspect for where they learned it. Your first instinct is probably going to be to laugh at their little potty mouth. Try to keep the giggles in check though, because once they figure out you think it's funny, they'll never want to stop saying naughty words.
2. "I don't know *where* she could have possibly heard that from."
See above about being the prime suspect. I mean, your kiddo definitely didn't hear Bert cursing out Ernie on Sesame Street. Unless you regularly let them watch Game of Thrones or something, they're just mimicking you.
3. "I think I pulled a muscle trying not to laugh."
I've been in this situation many, many times — most recently when my daughter referred to her baby brother using an F-word that rhymes with lucky. Further investigation revealed that she was trying and failing to pronounce "fussy." Luckily for me, I held it together and did not let the laughter out until her back was turned.
4. "Is washing his mouth out with soap an option here?"
I don't know if parents do this much any more these days. I certainly remember growing up and seeing kids get their mouths washed out for saying naughty words, though. Nothing like the taste of Dawn dish soap to remind you not to curse out your parents, I guess.
5. "Just learned the hard way that kids really do repeat everything."
It's all well and good when your kiddo runs their mouth at home, but it's quite a different story when the foul language comes out at school, church, grandma's house, etc. The funny factor goes way down and the embarrassment level goes through the roof. Oh, and the judgment... there will be judgment.
6. "Time to have the talk about 'at home' words."
Some parents are OK with their kids using swear words, but only at home. Outside the house is a whole different, mortifying story. I distinctly remember shocking a childhood's friend mom one day when I definitely did not say "darn it."
7. "Looks like my kid and I have the same favorite word."
I'm actually pretty glad that my daughter has seized upon "Frick it!" as her favorite swear. It's basically the least tame option she could have chosen compared to what else she's overheard. I might start using it myself, actually.
8. "Apparently I need to learn some new words."
Need a swap for your favorite expletives? WeHaveKids.com has a list of 101 cutesy phrases to use instead of curses. Fudge nuggets is definitely going in my repertoire.
9. "Nope, he didn't say 'Oh, sugar,' like we've practiced."
Old habits die hard, as they say. Plus, kids are too clever for their own good sometimes. If they know that using swear words is going to get a laugh, they're not going to substitute sugar and fudge. There's no fun in that.
10. "Am I supposed to stop this? Because it's kind of too funny to be mad about."
My kids are way too young for me to ever get mad about the words they use. Appalled, maybe. Embarrassed, definitely. But mad, no way.
11. "From the mouths of babes... come the expletives, apparently."
Kids are the picture of innocence... until they start cussing like sailors. It's amazing how fast they can switch between innocent baby and accidentally bawdy. Or perhaps not so accidentally, if they're old enough to know what they're saying.
12. "Kids really do say the darndest things."
If I had to choose between my kids swearing in public or saying something embarrassing about my bathroom habits (always a favorite topic of discussion when you're trying to potty train toddlers), I'd definitely go with a swear word. It's not a hard decision, either.