A friend once told me that having a miscarriage is a sudden shock. They understood what George R.R. Martin meant when he wrote, "A day will come when you think you are safe and happy, and your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth." To feel such happiness, and then such despair in an instant, changes you. If you've never been through the trauma of pregnancy loss, it's hard to know what to say or how to help. There aren't really greeting cards with meaningful quotes about miscarriage readily available for you to give a friend or relative, and there are about as many ways to cope with grief as there are people.
It can be hard to find the words to comfort someone who's lost a pregnancy, and a future they were so excited to watch unfold. Sometimes, it's best to say nothing and, instead, simply listen to their truth, acknowledge their pain, and let them feel how they feel about their miscarriage... and without having to explain why.
If you do say something, it's important that you try not o make them see "the bright side" of what might be an impossibly hard situation. In her work on empathy, author and researcher Dr. Brené Brown writes, "Empathy is a choice, and it's a vulnerable choice because in order to connect with you I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling." It's also important to remember that grieving is a process that honestly might never end. As poet Gwen Flowers writes, "Grief is not something you complete, but rather, you endure. Grief is not a task to finish and move on, but an element of yourself — an alteration of your being."
Unfortunately, offering empathy and comfort to someone who has experienced pregnancy loss requires a level of emotional vulnerability that's much harder than saying "things happen for a reason" or "you can try again later," which aren't really supportive at all. So if you are looking for some words of comfort, you might try one of these quotes instead: