The first year of parenting was great. It was like having an adorable accessory that you have to tote around and feed. But now your child is in the toddler years. Not only does this little bundle of joy have a personality, but he can run, and he can run faster than you ever imagined. Those terrible twos are a real thing and don't forget about threenagers. No one realizes you're living with a tiny monster. (Thank goodness they're cute.) That's why you need these hilariously true Instagram captions that nail life with a toddler.
You could post a funny, honest quote from a comedian who has been there, or maybe now is the time to play up the sarcasm. Pictures make parenting look so easy, don't they? Go ahead and post something that shows off how "glamorous" your life really is — and when I say glamorous, I really mean tiring, hard, and messy. Now is not the time to pretend that your little tot is a perfect angel. Let's be honest, there's a little gremlin living inside that cutie.
So, next time you post an adorable Instagram photo of your pride and joy, add a caption that reveals what your life is really like living with a toddler.
1. "My Interior Designer Is My 3-Year-Old."
I mean let's be honest, your kid is making all the decor decisions these days. Yes, I agree the pillow looks better on the couch, but with your little one's sense of style, it will never leave the floor.
2. "They're Just A Little TOO Perfect."
You know those days, your little one is oddly well-behaved. You know what it means: They must be up to something. Maybe a big poop is coming your way, or you're going to come home to a surprise "art piece". Either way, good behavior is not going to last long, so post this caption alongside the impending disaster.
3. "It's Happy Hour... AKA Naptime."
It's time to pull out your favorite bottle of wine. Oh wait, you have a toddler? Your happy hour is laying on the couch for the next hour — I mean, maybe with a bottle of wine.
4. "My House Looks Like I'm Losing A Game Of 'Jumanji'."
It is like all your kid's stuffed animals came to life and destroyed your home. Just having a toddler will make you feel like you're living life in this classic film. Where are the monkeys to help you clean when you need them?
5. "My Hair Style? However I Wake Up."
I woke up like this. Someone grab me the dry shampoo because I don't have time to fix it. Thank goodness bedhead is in, right?
6. "Being A Parent Is Like Folding A Fitted Sheet. No One Really Knows How." — Anonymous
It may not look right but somehow in the end, the sheets do get folded. At least with parenting there are books and friends to help.
7. "May Your Coffee Be Stronger Than Your Toddler"
If coffee wasn't your best friend already, it will be now. You need that extra burst of energy to nail this whole parenting thing.
8. "Toddlers Are Just Stalkers That Live With You." – Anonymous
It is a little creepy how much they watch you, follow you, and copy your every move. But... at least they're cute?
9. "Being A Mother Has Made Me So Tired And So Happy" - Tina Fey
Nothing will fill your heart with love and suck all the energy out of you all at the same time. Is this why we sleep in so late pre-kids? Once we have kids there will never be sleep again.
10. "A Two-Year-Old Is Like Having A Blender But You Lost The Top To It" — Jerry Seinfeld
Once your little one wakes up in the morning, you've got to brace yourself for a lot of... excitement. Your life feels like that messy smoothie all over the kitchen RN — at some point you'll find the time to clean it up, only for there to be a big mess again.
11. "Hey Remember Back When You Were Single, Before You Had To Worry About Keeping People Alive?" — George Clooney
Remember when you thought keeping our Tamagotchi alive was hard? Oh, the good old days.
12. "Having A Child Is Like Living In A Frat House: Nobody Sleeps, Everything's Broken, And There Is A lot Of Throwing Up." — Ray Romano
This isn't even counting all the people who want to come over to "play" with your little one, who you end up having to clean up after, too. The next people you need to invite over should be a cleaning crew.
13. "I Stay Fit By Chasing My Kid"
Why pay for a $50 monthly gym membership? All you really need is a 2- year-old. It is one of the most active ways to keep your cardio up and let's not forget about all that lifting you will be doing.
Check out Romper's new video series, Bearing The Motherload, where disagreeing parents from different sides of an issue sit down with a mediator and talk about how to support (and not judge) each other’s parenting perspectives. New episodes air Mondays on Facebook.