Here’s a short list of things I love about being a grown-up: I can stay up as late as I want, I can eat cheese for dinner if my heart desires it, I don’t have to ask anyone before watching R-rated movies, and the fact that there’s no one to stop me from drinking coffee all day (except my son, who might need something and doesn’t understand that Mom’s coffee is hot and fresh and can we please... OK, OK, I will get you some applesauce, just a minute). For real, when you drink coffee all. the. time, you come to count on it to get you through certain parts of your routine, and to give you that special caffeinated boost you so desire when the going gets tough.
Perhaps I feel so strongly about this magical elixir because I’m from the Pacific Northwest, and at this very moment, there is an oversized mug not six inches from my hand with a few sips left in it that, yes, I will be refilling very soon. Or perhaps I feel so strongly because coffee is the dream beverage we all need but don’t deserve. Either way, let’s take a look at those moments when coffee isn’t just important, but necessary, shall we?
First Thing In The Morning
Now that I think about it, it’s kinda weird that we haven’t just set up our coffee maker in my son’s room. He’s still nursing and still in diapers so my days almost always start in his room. BRB, going to look into it.
After A Night Of Dramatic Tears And Teething
We are *almost* through the woods on teething, as far as I can tell. That said, I’m probably still going to drink an extra cup every now and again in honor of the memories.
Mid-Morning On A Regular Day
I mean, without mid-morning coffee, how are we supposed to make it until lunch time? If you want proof that someone can sleep through a meeting or on a park bench on a Saturday at 11 a.m., just fail to grant me access to coffee before either of those things.
When The To-Do List Is Out Of Control
These emails aren't going to return themselves, this laundry’s not going to fold itself, but I’m not going to do any of it unless I have some coffee.
When You Have Phone Calls To Return And Work Is Out Of Control In General
Perhaps you have deadlines, or meetings, or a grouchy boss. Or perhaps your job is awesome but, you know, still a job, in which case I lift my mug to you.
During Your Commute
This is arguably one of the best times for coffee, because the commute also provides a semblance of "me" time (depending on your mode of transportation and whether or not it involves any young children, of course).
When Your Little One Has A Blowout But You Left The Diaper Bag In The Car
I don’t recommend trying to manage coffee during such an event, because your hands will be full, but you're sure as hell going to need some right after.
When Your Kid Is Freaking Out In The Checkout Line And All You Can Do Is Inhale The Grounds
It's better than nothing, right?
Immediately Following Pretty Much Any Public Problem
You deserve it.
Lunchtime On A Normal Day
Why stop now? Keep it going, my friend.
Nap Time (Every Nap Time)
Arguably one of the best times for coffee, the nap time cup is where all our hopes and dreams come true and wishes are fulfilled.
When You Want To See A Friend But Feel Pressed For Time *Cough*
Why do we always suggest coffee instead of dinner when we want to catch up with someone, even thought we all know that we'll end up spending just as long with that friend over coffee as we would over dinner? It's fine, tell your beautiful lies and go feed your addiction.
When You Have Something You Want To Do, But You’re Too Freaking Tired
Motherhood and exhaustion go hand in hand, but just because I know something well, it doesn’t mean I like it. For example, I know that dry winter skin exists, and the sound of my son crying, and the fact that (spoiler alert) there’s only one Weasley twin left, but I still don't like those things. However, of all of these things, exhaustion is the only thing that can be cured by coffee.