When you've been with your significant other for a while, it's natural to feel like things have plateaued. And if you're not dedicated and focused to getting things back on track, you may try to ease the pain by seeking comfort from someone else. Though many people don't realize it, cheating on your spouse is more than just a physical thing. Because of this, it's easy to glance over the signs you're having an emotional affair.
When I was in college, I was one of those people. I had been in an inconsistent relationship with my high school boyfriend and, because I felt like he wasn't giving me what I needed emotionally, I unintentionally sought solace in someone else. Although I tried to deny the feelings I had for this other person and even tried to convince myself that it wasn't cheating, I eventually had to be honest with myself and realize that I was wrong. Regardless of what my ex wasn't giving me, nothing can ever be solved by playing tit for tat.
So, if you've ever been in a situation where you've questioned whether or not your emotional relationship with someone was harmless, these 13 signs will help you uncover the answer.
1. You're Withdrawing From Your Partner, But Growing Closer To Your Friend
According to Thought Catalog, withdrawing from your partner, but growing closer to your friend is a sign of an emotional affair. You may think of it as innocent at first, but any time you'd rather spend time with your "friend" over your partner is an issue.
2. You Keep The Friendship A Secret From Your Spouse
As much as I hate to admit it, I kept a friendship a secret from a previous boyfriend of mine. I didn't want to admit that I had emotional ties to someone else. You should be able to tell your partner about every person in your life — not just a few of them.
3. You Speak Negatively About Your Partner To Your Friend
Redbook noted that talking about your relationship to your crush is a red flag. Complaining to your friends about something your spouse does is one thing, but telling your crush how unhappy you are opens up the door for infidelity.
4. You Think About Your Friend Too Much
According to The Huffington Post, thinking about your crush too much is an indicator of an emotional affair. Whether you're just thinking about what they're doing or wondering what type of kisser they are, you've crossed over into an emotional affair.
5. You Skip Time With Your SO To Spend Time With Your Friend
Do you find yourself willing to come in early and stay late just to spend more time with your crush? You could be falling into an emotional affair. I've witnessed a married woman do this at a previous job, and it almost tore her marriage apart once her husband learned about it.
6. You Compare Your Partner To Your Friend
When you've been with your partner for some time, it's easy to point out the things they do wrong instead of appreciating the things they do right. That's why comparing them to someone new and seemingly perfect is even easier to do. If you're in an emotionally attached situation with your crush, everything they do will seem right and everything your partner does will seem wrong.
7. You Avoid Being Intimate With Your Partner
According to Redbook, avoiding intimacy with your partner could be a sign of an emotional affair. Whether it's you withholding your feelings or just withholding sex, trouble could follow if not fixed.
8. You Share Secrets About Your Partner With Your Friend
According to The Huffington Post, sharing secrets about your partner is not only hurtful, but damaging to your relationship. Even if you think you're doing it to better understand your partner, you may be opening up a door for a deeper connection with the wrong person. Try going to a therapist or male family member for help on this.
9. Your Tech Habits Have Changed
Do you hide your phone when your significant other is around or sneak off to text? Women's Health noted that a change in tech habits could mean you're emotionally attached to someone else.
10. You Dress Up Before You See Your Friend
If you plan what you're going to wear around your crush being there, you should consider whether or not you're emotionally attached. No one goes out of their way to look nice for someone they don't really care about.
11. You Get Butterflies When Your Friend Is Around
According to Good Therapy, getting butterflies around a friend could mean emotional attachment. If you're not attached quite yet, then you are definitely at risk for emotional infidelity.
12. You Don't Want Your SO And Friend To Mingle
According to Cosmopolitan, people in emotional affair try to keep their SO and interest separate. . Though it is OK to have your own friends separate of your partner, you should still feel comfortable mixing the two.
13. You Get Upset At The Thought Of The Situation Being Reversed
One thing that I've always been taught is that if the thought of your spouse doing what you're doing gets you upset, then you are definitely in the wrong. Keep this trick in mind the next time you consider hanging out with your crush.