13 Things Exhausted New Moms Say, And What They Really Mean

Ad failed to load

New moms have a ton going on. We're dealing with their own needs (looking at you, stitches in places we can't see without using yoga moves and a mirror), as well as taking care of an adorable but 100-percent-reliant-on-them little person. With so much mental energy going towards all of that, we don't have a ton left over to explain our every thought to those around us. Wouldn't it be nice if your partner, the baby's caregiver or your co-parent just knew what you meant without you having to spell it out? If there was a translator for every exhausted reply a mom tosses off at those silly enough to inquire about her wellbeing?

We thought so, which is why we've broken down some common mom phrases so everyone can be on the same page. You know how it is when you've been nursing for four hours straight and your partner takes a seat next to you with a sparkling glass of ice water and you utter a parched, "Is that for you?"

To the unsuspecting partner, this is a straightforward question. "Why yes!" They reply as they take a dainty sip.

Ad failed to load

What you meant, of course, was "Good grief give me that water or I might turn into copper sulfate crystals."

With this handy tool, you can just hand them your phone, then go relax on the couch like the queen you are until they come in to kneel by your side and say, "I get it now."

Ad failed to load

1I'm thirsty.


Translation: This tiny nursling has sucked the actual marrow out of my bones and/or please bring me an egg nog.

2I forgot the diaper bag.


Translation: Turn the car around. We have 10 seconds before this diaper self-destructs.

3I just fed him.


Translation: Either find some formula or Google "how to lactate" because this kid's got an appetite and these boobs are out of commission.

Ad failed to load

4I'm tired.


Translation: There are nine levels of exhaustion, and then there is me.

5Yes, I had coffee.


Translation: Somewhere in this house is a mug of abandoned java that I vaguely remember taking a sip of between feedings.

6I just changed him.


Translation: The odds that of Justin and Selena being back together and this diaper being dirty are the same.

Ad failed to load

7She went down for nap easily.


Translation: I only had to pace around the house for two miles instead of the typical three today before she drifted off.

8I need to shower.


Translation: I'm desperate for a few minutes of body autonomy/I can't tell if my neck is tan or just caked in dead skin cells, please hold the tiny human so I can find out.

9Look he's smiling at you!


Translation: Please take this human barnacle from my hip and attach it to your own for a while.

Ad failed to load

10I'm hungry.


I need to eat something that isn't shaped like a fish or pureed and soon —otherwise I'm going to pass out.

11He's teething.


Translation: I'm not sure which one of us has cried more today, me or the baby. Please order take-out.

12Could you check on the baby?


Translation: If I have to get out of this bed one more time tonight I may grab the razor on my way back and shave your eyebrows off while you sleep, so consider taking a turn when the monitor goes off.

Ad failed to load

13We're having a good day.


Translation: She's still wearing the onesie I put her in this morning, so I'm calling it a win.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

The Entire Family Can Enjoy These Movies & Shows Coming To Netflix In June

It's just one of those sad facts of life: every month, shows and movies vanish from Netflix, their varied excitements no longer at your fingertips. But luckily the streaming service is always prepared to fill that content void with lots of new things…
By Megan Walsh

The Reason Why Babies Smile At You Will Seriously Make You Smile

Whether you're currently the recipient of your own baby's sweet smiles or you just seem to be a magnet for baby grins in general, you might find yourself wondering why babies are always smiling at you. Sure, you could be a 'smile whisperer' but scien…
By Kate Miller

8 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say That, Yes, You Are Their Favorite

For a baby to show a preference for a specific person is not only normal, but an essential part of their development. Babies need to form strong attachments to their caregivers for their emotional, social, and physical wellbeing. Usually, but not alw…
By Kimmie Fink

10 Reasons Why I Won't Apologize For Giving My Toddler A Pacifier

My first child had no interest in a pacifier. I tried a couple times to get him to take one, but he always spat them out and gave me an incredulous, judgmental look. But my second? It was love at first suckle. And after a while, the incredulous, judg…
By Jamie Kenney

Being A Dog Parent Prepared Me For Having A Baby, Really

I’ve always wanted kids; I was never as sure about raising a puppy. Then I spent six months living with someone who brought home an eight-week-old golden retriever puppy, and I see no way to make it out of that experience claiming not to love dogs. I…
By Heather Caplan

20 Of The Most Popular Unisex Names Of All Time, That You'll Be Hearing More Of For Sure

You might think of unisex names as a fairly recent trend, but the truth is these versatile monikers have been commonly used throughout history (well, some more commonly than others). That's why the team over at recently compiled a list of t…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

How To Have A Date Night With No Babysitter, Because It's Easier Than You Think

After having children, many couples feel that their love lives immediately go out the window, but it's so important to make your romantic life a priority so both you and your partner can be the best versions of yourselves you can be. As we all know, …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

9 Ways Baby No. 3 Made My Family Feel Complete

My husband and I decided to have another baby right after we got married and, well, we had no idea what we were getting into. I got pregnant right away, endured a high-risk pregnancy, and, before I knew it, my third baby had arrived. Together, we emb…
By Steph Montgomery

8 Stereotypes About New Dads That Are *Totally* True

Much like new mothers, new fathers have a lot on their plate. Parenting can be scary and complex, especially at first and regardless of your gender. People want to do right by their kids, after all. And since all new parents are a hot mess, dads are …
By Priscilla Blossom

8 Differences Between Being Pregnant In Your 20s Vs 30s, According To Science

Whether you're planning a pregnancy, or just thinking about your future family, it's typical to think about things like child-spacing, how many kids you want, and when to start trying to conceive. When making your pro/con list, you might also conside…
By Steph Montgomery

16 Moms Share Remedies For Their Most Intense Chocolate Cravings During Pregnancy

For better or worse, pregnancy is usually synonymous with odd cravings. Sure, there are the stereotypical combos like pickles and ice cream that plague gestating women the world over, but there are other mind-boggling combinations, too, including but…
By Candace Ganger

Putting Sunscreen On Your Kid Doesn't Have To Be A Fight — Here's How To Do It

I am almost translucent, so me and sunscreen are basically besties at this point. Even though my children are beautifully deep brown thanks to my husband's genetics, I still slather them like biscuits being buttered because I refuse to take risks wit…
By Cat Bowen

19 Moms Share The Way They Cured Their Pregnancy Comfort Food Cravings

I was obnoxiously sick during the first trimester with, "lucky" for me, both of my pregnancies. For the first three months I lived on saltines, lemonade, and fresh bread. Once I was able to eat, however, all I wanted was savory and sweet comfort food…
By Dina Leygerman

8 Fascinating Facts About Babies Born In May, The Luckiest Month Of All

The height of all things fresh and springy, May is an excellent month to have a baby. It's a time of growth, graduations, and outdoor celebrations. And these fascinating facts about May babies will give you more reasons than ever to appreciate childr…
By Lindsay E. Mack

I Used To Judge Formula-Feeding Moms — Until I Became One

The other patrons in the hip Brooklyn restaurant probably couldn’t care less what I was feeding my baby, but I’ll always remember the shame I felt as I quickly mixed up his bottle of formula in front of them. I admitted to my childless friend that I …
By Katherine Martinelli

7 White Lies It’s Necessary To Tell To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

Telling lots of lies typically isn't associated with a healthy, strong, lasting relationship, and that's still certainly true, but not all lies are exactly the same. Though you've probably heard from someone at least once or twice that the lie they t…
By Lauren Schumacker

The Skinny Jeans That Saved Me Postpartum

Accepting my post-pregnancy body is hands-down one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. It’s something that I still work on every single day. During my first pregnancy, I was 20 years old, so I managed to bounce back quickly. In fact, I dropp…
By Allison Cooper

7 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say They Feel Safe

In those first weeks of new motherhood, it can feel like you need an interpreter for your newborn. With their limited means of communication, figuring out what message your baby is trying to get across to you can be a challenge. With time, however, y…
By Kimmie Fink

Here's Why Dogs Are Obsessed With Babies' Poop, According To Science

Most family dogs seem to understand babies, and they're more than happy to make friends with the newest member of the pack. It's adorable... for the most part and until you go to change your little one's diaper. Suddenly, you're wondering why dogs ar…
By Lindsay E. Mack

6 Signs You're Meant To Have A Big Age Gap Between Kids

There's a five year age difference between my two children, to the day. Their age gap wasn't planned but, for a variety of reasons, works well for our family. And since I was so focused on having a second baby, I totally overlooked the signs that wou…
By Candace Ganger

My Dog Knew I Was Pregnant Before My Family Did

Growing up, I was 100 percent sure I'd be a mom one day. To a dog, that is. My baby plans came later. And once my husband and I were sure we wanted both a dog and a baby, we'd add to our joint dog-and-baby name list over Sunday brunch or on date nigh…
By Melissa Mills