Created by the first Black woman to be head writer for a late-night show, Robin Thede, HBO's A Black Lady Sketch Show is comprised of side-splitting, truly hilarious sketches that center Black women. But it's not just the necessary representation that has me excited about this show: it's the hilarious references to motherhood. In fact, there are more than a few A Black Lady Sketch Show quotes that are, without a doubt, peak #momlife.
A Black Lady Sketch Show is the first sketch comedy show written by and starring Black women, as reported by VICE, and boasts a cast, writers room, and director made up entirely of Black women, according to The New York Times. That's cause for celebration in and of itself. But another cause for praise? The sketches that consistently remind me of #MomMoments I didn't have words for... until I heard those words on the show. Some are super silly, and some are downright absurd, but they still have me thinking facts. Facts. Facts. Facts.
While some of the following quotes are taken far out of context, the realness is undeniable and, honestly, any one of them could be used by most moms trying to live their best lives (or simply survive). We might not all have our own look-alike puppet with box braids, á la the opening credit sequence, but we can all feel seen thanks to the sheer brilliance that is this show.
So if you, like me, often find yourself trying to find the words to adequately describe a moment of #MomLife, look no further:
"Y'all supposed to be here to support me, and I don't feel supported right now."
They say it takes a village, but sometimes that village doesn't come through or isn't adequately supportive. And when those moments inevitably happen, it's genuinely difficult to keep your proverbial cool.
Moms may not be a part of Bad B*tch Support Group, like in the show, but the sentiment is totally relatable.
"Whether you're Mother Exhausted from the House of Tired or one of the Eternal Children from the House of Forever 21, y'all better bring it."
Basically how I want to preface every single text I send to other mom friends with this quote, especially when it's been way too long since we got together and I know that we both desperately need some adult interaction. Let's go. Get it together. We out.
"You know I don't respond well to negative reinforcement. Maybe if you took a more amicable tone..."
Basically the words our kids would say to us if they had the language. But, instead, us moms get tantrums, screams, and hard AF toys thrown at our heads.
Honestly, I'd rather our kids just said the aforementioned instead.
"I'm sitting right here."
Invisible Spy, Trinity, is so basic that she's barely noticed or recognized, even by her colleagues at the CIA. In other words, she's the perfect spy. When she gets a new assignment, her coworkers can't even see her sitting with them in the room.
Can any other moms relate to that invisible feeling? Because I sure as you-know-what can. Whether people want to interact with your baby or make comments about your parenting right in front of you as if you were not there, sometimes you just wanna yell, "HELLO! HI! CAN YOU SEE ME?!"
"Now help me get on this table."
This is what I imagine children are thinking when they put all of their energy into jumping, standing, or playing on surfaces they really should stay off of. I Imagine it's what they're saying to the toys and other objects they move around your probably destroyed home to use as makeshift step ladders. While in the show these words are spoken by an alien trying to twerk on a spaceship, they're also peak child-trying-to-get-on-our-nerves.
"I don't want people thinking I look like death."
Yeah, same. Seriously same. While this quote appears in a sketch about the horrors of not wearing makeup to work that is totally over-the-top ridiculous, it's super relatable for us moms who just, honestly, can't be bothered to put on a full-face of whatever-the-hell before walking out the door with our kids in tow.
Sometimes days (and days and days) go by before I put any actual effort into my appearance. Still, I try to look as presentable as possible... even if I'm just in sweats and wearing nothing but chapstick. The last thing I want is for people to think a White Walker from Game of Thrones is pushing my kid in a stroller. (Also, screw you, I'm exhausted.)
"She has all the receipts...yes...she knows the return policy and she will not take store credit, baby!"
As much as I joke about let-me-speak-to-the-manager ladies, I know there will come a day when I'll refuse to accept store credit just because I'm too anxiety-ridden, and too close to crying, to explain why I need the cash instead. It will happen, and I'll come ready with all the receipts and all the tea if necessary.
"It's not the end of the world! Oh, right. It is."
I felt this the first, and last, time I pumped for nearly an hour only for the milk to accidentally spill. Just thinking back to that moment makes me upset. It really sucked (pun intended), and I felt terrible. Of course, there are other mom moments that feel like the end of the world, and even if we don't say it out loud, we're definitely feeling it.
"B*tch is in full, deep REM sleep on the floor."
So, this one is a sweet, sweet fantasy. I'm guessing it will literally be me about two decades from now, when empty nest syndrome kicks in. Because, honestly that'll be the only time when I'll be realistically capable of passing out like this. Until then, I'll sleep vicariously through my child's epic naps. That's how it works, right?
"It was like sleeping on a roller coaster."
Every time you finally get a moment to catch a few hours, or minutes, of sleep, and your child decides to turn your body into a jungle gym, you're what will now be referred to as "sleeping on a roller coaster." Shakes, slaps, sudden movements, worrying that you'll get whiplash? Yep, all included. So fun.
"Come through, barbecue daddies!"
This is what I want to yell when I've finally made it outside of my home and have successfully arrived at a cookout, ready to make several plates while nursing in a corner somewhere. Come through, barbecue daddies. Serve us up all that you've got. We're tired, hungry, and in need of nutrient replenishment.
"What I always wanted was to find a Black lady therapist in-network, but I guess I dream too big."
This one felt personal. I know I'm not the only mom who's spent hours searching through therapist bios in an attempt to find The One who'll be the perfect fit. I definitely can't be the only mom who believes she finally found The One, only to discover that they're out-of-network and way, way too expensive.
"Lowering my risk of postpartum like a mothaf*cker!"
In a sketch about a gang orientation, the leader explains that the members will now get a better maternity leave package, which results in the members getting excited about their lower risk of postpartum depression. As someone currently coping with a postpartum mood disorder, this quote hit me with the feels. It's time for more employers to take parental leave policies more seriously. Blippity.
"Great, and now we have to pee."
Every. Single. Time. It's like every time I finally have a moment to just relax, my bladder reminds me that I'm not in control of my own body. As if I needed that reminder, right? Then, of course, as soon as I leave the bathroom (if I even had the chance to go), I'm faced with another end-of-the-world moment and it's back to reality.
Also, I have to say just how great it as that this quote is from a sketch that's a parody of Pixar's Inside Out that takes you inside the mind of a Black woman who's debating whether or not she should twerk. Gold.