Kids are freaking weird. I remember because, you know, I was one. Plus, I have two and they're even weirder than I was (which I can't believe is possible). The bright side? Along with the weird comes a whole lot of funny and a plethora of things I couldn't make up if I wanted to. Seriously, my kids are comedic geniuses ahead of their time (I'm not biased or anything) and they don't even realize it. Some of the funny parenting moments that'll make you happy you're a mom don't include any rational logic or self-awareness, either, because kids. Still, I'm so, so grateful. Without this comedy gold, my life would be pretty lame.
Before I get into specifics, let me give a quick run-down of my babies. My oldest just turned 10 and has just started the early stages of puberty. This makes her both terrifying and opinionated in the best of ways (I sympathize). There are times I'm not sure if I should laugh — like when she tried on makeup and was shimmering so much she looked like an actual star — or run away. Because, again, terrifying.
My son is 5 and still generally a sweetheart, though his adoration for movie villains is sometimes worrisome (I'm only kind of kidding). He's at the age where most of what comes out of his mouth is hilarious, and usually said at the most inappropriate time. Being their parent is challenging, but no one can look at us and say we're not having fun. I'm not exactly sure what kind of life I lived before them, because now it seems like all we do is laugh.
When They Make You Something That "Looks Like You"
My daughter loves to craft. When she handed me this particular item and said, "This is the face you make all the time," I could only suppress my laughter. I mean, after all, this is pretty damn accurate.
When They Insist On Dressing Like Someone On TV
For awhile, my son was obsessed with a particular State Farm commercial. When he wore his red polo and khakis he'd walk around saying "Jake. From State Farm." It never gets old.
When They Text From Another Phone
When my kids go stay with my mom, they sometimes get on her phone to text me. My son's first texts to me, ever, were "truly" and a poop emoji in response to my picture. #ProudMom
When They "Decorate" The Cat
One day, my daughter pulled into the living room to see how she "decorated" our cat with pieces of fur she'd shed. Then she said, "Now she looks like that Trump guy."
When They're Obviously Not Enjoying Each Other's Company
I wouldn't say capturing my children's annoyance pleases me, but yeah. This is the standard faces they both make when together.
When They Draw "Flattering" Pictures Of You
My son is really into drawing pictures lately. This particular picture is, of course, me. When finished he said, "Where do you want your boobs to go?" He took creative license and drew them to the right of me. Great job?
When They Laugh At Words Like This
They obviously get their humor from their father. *cough*
When Stuff Like This Happens
I'd love to say this wasn't pre-planned, but at their joint "carnival" birthday party (they have the same birthday, just five years apart), it was the climax we'd been leading up to. Yes, my daughter was on board but, no, she didn't realize how gross it would be until after.
When You Get A "Sincere" Apology
This sums up our relationship. "I forgive you."
When You Look Over And See This
My son went through a heavy balloon-obsession phase and would sit just like this, staring at balloons, for an hour straight. I said they were weird.
That Time They Wrote Song Lyrics At School
I have no excuses here.
When They Dress Themselves
Every day my kids dress themselves is a treat. My son switches between super hero costumes, while my daughter hides a belly shirt beneath her sweatshirt. Fun times.
When They Describe You To People
Pretty spot on, if you ask me.
When They Find Chocolate You Didn't Give Them
I mean, come on. These are the faces that make every day better than the day before. Parenting is basically a series of humorous events, sandwiched between tantrums and overflowing toilets. If this is what motherhood is, I'll take it (but lay off my secret chocolate stash because, despite what my kids say, the cat didn't do it).