As the mother of two toddlers, I can say without a doubt that toddlers are the best. And also the absolute worst. They'll wreck your house, refuse your food, push every single one of your buttons, and then, just when you're about to completely lose your cool, they'll smile, tell you how much they love you, and give you the biggest hug. Sometimes all you can do is just laugh, and snap a picture to hang on to the memories. And when you do, these funny Instagram captions for toddlers being toddlers will help you put into words all the ridiculousness that goes into parenting these challenging little creatures.
Whether you're in the thick of the terrible twos or dealing with a sassy three-nager, the toddler years can definitely elevate your stress levels. But as the saying goes, the days are long and the years are short. As frustrated as they might make you at times, your toddler won't be a toddler for long, and someday, you'll love being able to look back and laugh at all the naughty things they did — especially since you'll have immortalized all their most outrageous incidents and outbursts on Instagram.
These 15 Instagram captions are perfect for sharing the savagery that is raising a toddler.
1. "That moment when you realize your silent house means your toddler is doing something terrible."
Never, ever trust that silence means your toddler is playing quietly. They're destroying something, perhaps many somethings.
2. "Is noon too early to start drinking, or... ?"
All those memes about moms and wine exist for a reason — sometimes your nerves just need a little soothing in the form of an adult beverage after a long day spent dealing with tiny terrors.
3. "There's not enough coffee in the whole entire world for this."
Even a venti latte with extra shots isn't always enough to match the energy level of a toddler on the go. That's why moms and dads can always tell you down to the minute how much longer there is until bedtime.
4. "'Don't put your butt on that!' is a thing I actually had to say today."
The things that will come out of your mouth when you're a parent will constantly surprise you. As will the amount of toddler nudity.
5. "Raise your hand if you've ever felt personally victimized by a toddler."
Between their no filter honesty, their oh-so-bossy demands, and their relentless quest for 100 percent of your attention, even Regina George would be no match for a rampaging toddler.
6. “A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.” — Jerry Seinfeld
What my living room looks like 10 minutes after I clean it is proof to me that this hilarious observation is totally true. I have no idea how my kids manage to get crumbs, crayons, and sticky spills in every corner of the house on a regular basis.
7. "I turned my back for literally two seconds. Rookie mistake."
Before I had kids, I always thought parents who complained about the damage their kids could do in the blink of an eye were exaggerating. How wrong I was.
8. "I'm going to go talk to some food about this." — '30 Rock'
My favorite way to unwind after a draining day chasing two toddlers around? Eating all the good snacks in the house — without having to share.
9. "So cute, yet so devilish."
Sweet toddler smiles might fool a lot of people, but moms and dads know what's up.
10. "I think my kid might be a Disney villain."
Does your little prince or princess turn into an irrational, destructive terror at the drop of a hat? Yep, you've got a toddler.
11. "Imagine how rich you could be if you could bottle the energy of a single toddler."
Sometimes my 3-year-old literally just runs laps around the house, laughing hysterically all the while. If I had even 10 percent of her energy, I'd be running the world.
12. "I think Netflix is going to have to babysit today."
Sometimes your energy/patience/desire to keep up with a toddler just runs out. On those days, Netflix is your BFF.
13. "And this is why there will be no more siblings."
A rambunctious 2- or 3-year-old is enough to make any parent contemplate being one and done or two and through.
14. "When a toddler says 'I can do it myself,' don't believe them."
Letting a little one do things for themselves is great, as long as you don't mind cleaning up a massive mess later.
15. "Can't wait to remind them about this when they're a teenager."
The toddler days may be tough, but think of all the future ways you'll get to pay them back some day. Their future friends are going to love going through their baby pictures.