With so many different methods of parenting, you'd think I might fall into categories like "Concise Mom" or "Detailed Mom" or even "Paranoid For Good Reasons Mom," but no. After exhibiting all the signs I might be a "mean" mom on a pretty regular basis, I've decided to just go with it. I mean, who wouldn't want their kids to think they have Cruella Deville as a parent? Of course this further highlights the slightest efforts from my partner, because with a mom as mean as me he could literally provide a basic necessity (like breakfast) and be the hero. Sigh.
My kids, my beautiful babies whom I carried in the womb and gave life, have thoughtfully and respectfully deemed me "The Queen of No." To get this title, I've had to meet a certain level of criteria, such as repeatedly denying them expensive toys. demanding chores and homework are finished before luxuries are experienced, and basically cutting off any request mid-sentence with a sharp "No." Why would I entertain any idea that's not mine? Because I'm mean, of course. In all honesty, it's not easy being me. Any effort to care for my kids, do right by them, or help them in anyway (aside from what they want) automatically makes me the villain in our little life scenario. I love Kylo Ren and Electro as much as the next gal, but living the villain lifestyle is a lot harder than giving into my kids' every wish every damn time.
If you're anything like me (mean), you probably have no idea how your kids really feel about you. Do they call you the "Nice Mom" or are you on my level of parenting? Go ask them. I'll wait. If you're not ready to hear their truth bombs, but aren't sure which category you fall into, here are some signs you might be a mean mom like me. Oh, and welcome to the club. Don't ask for anything unless you want an actual answer (it's going to be "no").
You Wake Them Up For School
Believe it or not, the meanest thing you can do is wake your kids up gently with a nudge or kiss on the cheek in order for them to start their day. I've been grunted at, growled at, and snapped at for doing the most basic morning thing. This is the start of my day being "Mean Mom."
You Make Sleep A Priority
Again, I keep my title by making sure my kids get the proper amount of sleep for their growing minds and bodies. Bedtime is typically when I dole out the most "no's."
You Actually Try To Feed Them Healthy Food
How dare you attempt to offer something remotely healthy to your children. I didn't get so mean by handing them candy and brownies. It's the nights when I place a handful of sweet potatoes or strawberries next to their dinner that I'm considered the worst.
You Tell Them To Earn Money To Buy What They Want
I do chores even when no one asks me to because otherwise, who will do them? My kids can't believe I've set a chore chart up so they can do their part in the house and earn money for things they want to buy. What kind of mother pays their children to live in the house? Me, apparently.
You Ask They Pick Up After Themselves
Aside from earning money on a weekly basis, I do ask my kids pick up any extra messes they create and, yes, I realize how horrible it sounds.
You Dare To Ask How Their School Day Was
When my 10 year old walks through the door, I should know better than to ask her what happened at school throughout the course of her day. However, I can't help myself. Mean moms really enjoy caring about what goes on in their kids' lives.
You Don't Allow Them To Spend Time With Sick Friends
Recently, when my daughter asked to play outside with a friend who'd been out sick from school the day prior, I was officially the meanest mother ever because I don't "let her do anything."
You Don't Allow Your Kid To Play When They're Sick
Likewise, my 5 year old son had an awful cold a couple months back. He couldn't breathe or sleep and the cough was consistent for days. However, when his sister went outside to play and he couldn't, I was to blame for his misery. Obviously.
You Put Rules On Electronics
Forgive me, children, for ruining your freedom to go on whatever website you wish, watch whatever show you desire, and time how long you're rotting your intelligence on your iPod or Playstation.
You Request They Care For And About Themselves
That time I asked my kids to bathe (every night) and brush their teeth (same)? Apparently these are grounds for the "Mean Mom" title. If I want to be nicer I should let them stink, but isn't that punishing me?
You Tell Them "I Love You" In Front Of Their Friends
We say "I love you" a lot but I "forget" I shouldn't shout it from the car when I drop my daughter off at school. Maybe I misinterpreted as to yell it louder and maybe that's why I don't get a trophy for being nice.
You Don't Let Them Watch R-Rated Movies
"Everyone watches them," says my daughter. "Not you," I reply.
You Refuse To Let Them Eat Fast Food (Again)
I cook, from scratch as often as possible because I like knowing what's going into our bodies. Occasionally we do the fast food thing, but it's become a rarity. If we do go out, it's a sit-down restaurant.
However, those times I'm rushed because of work or errands, I don't mind the McDonald's drive-thru. It's all the other days when they ask for it that I refuse and am the worst mother in history.
You Don't Let Them Go On Vacation Right Now
We're fans of the yearly getaway, but the kids don't understand how long it takes to, you know, save up money and plan for a vacation. While casually discussing an upcoming trip, my youngest assumed we'd be going now. As in right now. When I clarified, he cried for an hour. So, yeah.
You Won't Let Them Run Away
So, it's official: I'm the meanest Mom that ever existed. This is especially true when my hormonal daughter threatens to run away and at first, I say "go ahead," then quickly retract it (because I actually care). By the time her little bag is packed, I've nixed the idea which, strangely, makes the situation worse.
There's tons of signs you should look out for so not to be a "Mean Mom" like me. And if you love your kids as much as I love mine, chances are, you probably already have the title (whether they'll admit it or not). Ahh, motherhood.