Social media is a world unto itself these days, but many of you are probably old enough to remember its humble beginnings. No, I'm not talking about MSN Messenger or AIM. I'm talking about the king among men; the ultimate internet space to make your own. I'm talking about MySpace. I'll be honest with you, I didn't even know MySpace still existed, let alone that people still used it. And yet, I bet you can vividly remember things you put on your MySpace that you're really embarrassed of now, just the way I can. Just in case you can't remember all of those terribly embarrassing things, I'm here to remind you.
I recently requested my password for MySpace and logged on in hopes of finding some really good personal dirt to share with you all. Sadly, MySpace has completely changed their layout since I last logged on in 2006. Seriously, I'm almost sad that my profile didn't have any horrible ~*song lyrics*~ or selfies to share. (Almost.) Then again, I cleaned out my MySpace profile when I moved onto bigger and better things — also known as Facebook. But just because I couldn't find any of my own glittery photoshopped selfies to share doesn't mean I don't remember them. And yes, I'm still horrified just at the memory of all of these things.
1. Emo Song Lyrics
If you didn't have a depressing song lyric somewhere on your MySpace profile page, you weren't doing it right. It showed everyone else on MySpace just the type of person you were, who your favorite band was, and whether or not you were worthy to be in their network.
2. Bulletins Of Any Kind
MySpace bulletins served as a cross between a journal entry and a Facebook status. Anything you posted in there was generally dramatic, but drama that you wanted everyone to see. Gosh, it was such a special time in online culture.
3. Selfies Taken With An Actual Camera
You know, the selfies you took with your digital camera in front of a mirror, before smartphones existed? How I ever took pictures of myself before the frontward facing camera was invented, I'll never know.
4. Glitter Graphics
Yes, glitter graphics. Sometimes, I think about busting these out ironically, in hopes of someone recognizing a fellow former MySpacer in today's internet abyss.
5. Overly Photoshopped Photos Of Yourself
Contrast way, way up. And some curves. And of course, a certain amount of blur to really showcase your beauty.
6. Photos From Every Angle Possible
Duck face, plus a picture from above to show your new bangs, or just to hide your eyes from the camera to show all of your friends how nonchalant and cool you were. How many pictures did you have to take of yourself, and from how many angles, just to get one good profile pic? The answer: a bajillion.
7. Questionable Backgrounds
Butterflies, skulls,anything that had heavy amounts of sparkling glitter... you name it, you had it on your MySpace background.
8. Terrible Auto-Play Music Choices
The biggest mistake you could ever make was browsing MySpace with your volume on. At any given moment, your speakers would be blasting with Fallout Boy, System of a Down, Brand New, Ashlee Simpson, and more questionable music choices of the MySpace era.
9. Janky Layouts
Yeah, remember when you didn't know how to master html yet? I do. This resulted in a very awkward, lopsided, half-missing MySpace layout. But you learned quickly to fix that, didn't you.
10. Your Top 8
Imagine if Facebook forced you to choose your top eight friends. It would be like the digital Hunger Games. Yes, MySpace actually forced you to rank your friends on the internet, so you could see just how valuable you were to a person.
11. *Under Construction*
While you were teaching yourself html, picking matching colors, and trying to fix your dropdown menu of bands you listened to, you put up a message that let everyone know your profile doesn't look like this all the time, you swear. It's just under construction.
12. Embarrassing Photo Captions
Claiming MySpace photos was the equivalent of grabbing the first like on a celebrity's Instagram. And goodness, did your friends ever live up to the MySpace era when it came to the captioning of photos. Because a photo wasn't a photo unless it was ~*pr0p3rty 0f my b3sti3*~.
13. Chain Mail Bulletins
I actually kind of miss chain mail. You know, the digital threats that you'd never love again unless you forwarded an idiotic message to10 people in the next 10 minutes? Not that any of that ever came true... unless that's why I haven't been able to successfully commit to a relationship in the last 10 years. Damn, MySpace. That's cold.
14. iPod Shuffle Surveys
You took every iPod shuffle survey out there, skipping through the embarrassing songs on your iPod until you landed on a worthy choice for the "Song That Reminds You Of Your Crush."
15. A Trademarked Name
Yes, you put that lovely little trademark symbol on everything from inside jokes to your name. Because plain old Meghan wasn't good enough. But MeggieMeggz™ totally was.