15 Things Your Kids Will Definitely Judge You For One Day

by Autumn Jones

My sweet little children. They still think I hung the moon. They laugh at my jokes, compliment my outfits, and want to hold my hand when we cross the street. But all their rose colored visions have an expiration date. My adoring little boys will soon realize their mother is not covered in sparkly fairy dust and is, in fact, a regular ole human. My flaws will become more obvious and they will start to see just as many reasons to judge me as they do to love me.

I can imagine them banging the figurative gavel as they list off all the ways I've embarrassed them and tricked them. I hope they remember that I never claimed to be perfect. Sure, I told them I have eyes in the back of my head, and made them think I had the answer to every question when I was really just Googling (or, in some cases bull sh*tting.) But never once did I claim to have everything figured out or make all the right decisions. I mess up too, it just took them some time to figure me out.

If I was a betting woman, I would say that my children are going to have a list a mile long of things they are going to judge me for. Off the top of my head, I can already think of 15.


Being Overly Dramatic

Saying outrageous things that I don't mean? That doesn't sound like me at all. (Except it does.)


Not Showering

Sorry kids. I was busy doing everything for you, and then was too tired to shower.


The Three Wear Rule

If you haven't worn those pajamas three times, they do not need to go in the dirty clothes hamper. Unless you peed in them. In that case just throw them away, you have more.


Dropping It Low

I definitely think I look like J. Lo when I am dancing. This is not a statement my children agree with.


Dropping The F Bomb

Turns out I don't know how to "use my words" either.


Passing Off Take Out As My Own Cooking

If you put it on a platter, you made it. Don't judge — you like eating, right?


Taking Them To Basketball With A Hangover

Believe me when I say, this hurts me more than it hurts you.


Wearing Yoga Pants All Day, Every Day

This makes it easy to spot me in a crowd. Unless it's a crowd of yoga pants-wearing moms. Then you're screwed.


Not Saving All Their Art Work

Too many papers, not enough frames.


Saying "No" All The Time

I do say "yes" a lot. For some reason it's just easier to remember the "no's."


Crying At Their School Performances

I can't help it that you looked adorable in your turkey costume and sang a sweet song about giving thanks. I'm not made of stone!


Loving Taylor Swift More Than They Do

I know we already listened to "Bad Blood", but I'm just going to play it four more times.


Having Bad Days

Sometimes mommies have meltdowns too.


Taking Too Many Selfies

Don't hate on my Instagram.


Hacking Into Their Email

If you're not going to tell me the juicy stuff, I'm just going to have to find it myself.

Images: Mith Huang/Flickr; Giphy (15)