In all honesty, my love life hasn't been much to brag about. I've never really had a steady relationship, and when I thought I had finally found the one, the relationship ended. Because of that, I was able to notice some toxic habits you don't realize are preventing you from dating the person you deserve and adjust my habits before jumping back into the dating world.
Prior to my last breakup, I had an unintentional tendency to choose the same type of man. I'd find myself with a man who didn't have himself together and wasn't ready for a relationship. And whenever this happened, I became frustrated, hurt, and, eventually, heartbroken over something that I essentially caused myself. After taking time to really reflect on where my dating life had gone wrong, I noticed that I had a habit of believing in the potential of man instead of accepting the reality he portrayed and, in turn, ended up getting hurt.
It may have taken me a few years to learn, but it feels good knowing how to move forward and do things differently the next time. If you're not sure what toxic habits you encompass, take a look these 15 to cross them off of your list.
1. You Bring The Past Into The Present
According to StyleCaster, a common habit that keeps you away from dating the right person is the fact that you are too hung up on the past. Since most people are usually influenced by the good and the bad of their past relationships, the mistake of bringing it into the future is had. Instead of focusing so much on the past relationships, try being vulnerable enough to build a new one.
2. You Build Up Too Many Walls & Keep Them There
From my own experience, I know how toxic wall building can be. I've missed out on some good men and sabotaged a few potentially good relationships because of the walls I built. I made it difficult for men to want to date me, because I was too worried about repeating the past. Now though, I remind myself that every man is not the same and the only way to prove that is to give them a chance.
3. You Focus Too Much On Your Career
Huff Post noted that focusing too much on your career is a habit that is detrimental to your dating life, too. Though focusing on your growth and career are all good things, if you place too much emphasis on this, it shows that you are closed off to a relationship. There's never a right time for love, so why not just let it happen when it does?
4. You Always Feel Like You Can Help Them
I've had an issue with believing in a person's potential more than I believe in the reality they present. Perhaps I do this because I want to see the best manifest in everyone, but I know it's kept me in relationships longer than I needed to be.
5. You Talk Down On Yourself
I once had a friend in college that said she stayed with her mentally abusive boyfriend because she felt like he was the best she could get. This toxic behavior was implemented by both herself and her boyfriend and kept her from being with the great man she truly deserved.
6. You Move Too Fast When You Meet Someone
StyleCaster also noted that moving too fast with a new potential mate is an issue. Instead of rushing the relationship, take your time to get to know the person you're dating. Enjoy each moment as it comes before you spring to the next. Relationships are a journey, not a race.
7. Your Paranoia Takes Over Too Often
According to Huff Post, being paranoid is a toxic habit in relationships. Telling yourself that you're only in a relationship until the next best thing comes along is a good way to sabotage your love life.
8. You Talk About Your Ex Too Much
Claim to be over you ex, but still mention their name whenever you get the chance? According to Women's Health, talking about your ex too much could turn off a new mate. No one wants to hear about the last person that you were with, no matter how bad of a person they were. Constantly bashing or praising them shows that you may not be as over the situation as you claim to be.
9. You Convince Yourself You're Not Ready For Love
How many times have you talked yourself out of accepting that dinner from the person at the coffee shop because you're not ready to date yet? It's tough, I know, but you have to give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Stop letting your past control your future and give love another try.
10. You Date People Who Are Unavailable
According to eHarmony, if you're dating people that are unavailable, you are surely preventing yourself from getting to the right person. Continuing to choose someone who is not on the same page as you causes self-inflicted damage. You can't look for different results in a relationship with the same type of mate. Step outside of your typical "type" and see what else is out there to offer.
11. You Push Love Away
HuffPost also noted that pushing love away could prevent you from meeting the right person. Some people are so afraid of getting hurt again, that they will push others away, even if they're into them. Instead of believing the worst in someone, try thinking positively about what could happen.
12. You Think The Worst Before You Think The Best
According to Thought Catalog, if you always think the worst of your relationships, you could miss out on the right person when they come along. Constant negativity can cause unnecessary fights and ultimately, ruin every relationship you're in. Learn to appreciate, be thankful for, and joyful in your relationship.
13. You're Often Offended
Psychology Today noted that constantly getting offended could be hurting the people you claim to love, keeping you from the one you deserve. When you've been hurt, the first thing that comes to mind when moving forward in a future relationship is to protect yourself from that feeling again. However, lashing out, pulling away, or always becoming offended can hurt those that are trying to love you.
14. You Accept Behavior That You Shouldn't
According to eHarmony, accepting behavior that you shouldn't is another toxic habit keeping you away from your true mate. If you're putting up with behavior that isn't healthy or that makes you uncomfortable just to keep the relationship going, you are causing yourself misery. Love doesn't cause confusion and isn't selfish; let it go and get ready to embrace love the right way.
15. You're Too Insecure For Relationships
After my last breakup, I struggled with feeling inadequate and insignificant. I focused on everything that I felt was wrong with myself instead of affirming my great qualities. Even when I tried to date, I took those same insecurities into those situations and never got to see them grow. Looking back, I wish I would have just loved myself more and let someone love me, too, instead of sabotaging it with self-doubt talk.