Full disclosure: I recently signed up for a Hallmark Movies free trial subscription for the sole purpose of watching predictable Christmas movies. It's probably the most therapeutic thing I've ever done in my life because for an hour or so I get to turn off my brain as two polar opposite characters (e.g. jaded city gal meets down-to-earth country guy) fall in love against the backdrop of a picturesque New England town. Then there are the cliches — so many wondrous cliches. And if you're also into holiday Hallmark movies, you'll definitely appreciate these all too real tweets about the films.
The first rule of enjoying a Hallmark holiday movie is not to take it seriously. I recently watched a Hallmark-esque Christmas movie (Lifetime's Dear Santa) that featured a female and label-obsessed protagonist with a trust fund to burn. In one scene, for example, viewers catch a glimpse of her holiday shopping list with the names of high-end brands (Prada, Dolce & Gabbana) which perfectly highlights the absurdity of these films. It's like if I simply put "food" on my grocery shopping list and called it a day. Nothing makes sense in Hallmark movies, and that's the beauty of it.
Rule two is be prepared to watch the same plot unfold over and over again. Rich person who is facing a catalyst (death, loss of inheritance, etc.) meets lovable average Joe while on a path of self-discovery. It happens every dang time. And this lovable average Joe is typically a widower with a wise and adorable kid, who happens to volunteer at a soup kitchen every day because they have tons of free time.
Also, lots of people are dead in these films. In the Hallmark movie Harvest Moon, the female protagonist's mother is deceased, which bonds her to the male protagonist who lost his wife and grandmother in the span of a few short years. It was a lot.
Lastly, have fun. I feel oddly fulfilled and relaxed whenever I finish a Hallmark movie because the stakes are low. These movies are designed for a lazy day at home, or for those moments when you just need to laugh.
Now that I've presented my thesis on Hallmark holiday movies, here are 15 tweets that perfectly describe these films to a T.
When You're Down To Date The Rejected City Guy
The Movies Are So Predictable, You Can Create Your Own Bingo
Unrealistic Scenarios Everywhere You Turn
Hallmark Could Teach A Master Class On Procrastination
Once Again, Hallmark Movies Are Very Predictable
When The Plot Is Tired But You Could Care Less
For Those Who Are Way Too Invested
Hallmark Movie Drinking Games Are Dangerous
You Got To Love A Full House Reference
This Person Went For Total Honesty
Predictability Can Be Comforting, People
Has Hallmark Figured Out Romance?
The Kisses Are Perfectly Timed
Hallmark Characters Don't Need Jobs, Apparently
I don't know about you guys, but I'm off to watch a Hallmark holiday movie. 'Tis the season, after all.
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