Not all women are into receiving oral sex. Although this fact surprises me, I wonder if these women might not be aware of the ways to get exactly what you want during oral sex. After all, the adage "ask and you shall receive" is particularly insightful when it comes to getting what you want during oral. Though there's certainly nothing wrong with not liking oral sex, if you don't like it because you don't know how to get what you want, then you need to know you can get it, girl.
Consider what might be making you tense when receiving oral. Psychologist Dr. Cheryl Fraser told Best Health that in her practice, she doesn't find it uncommon for "otherwise sexually well-adjusted women who report feeling anxiety and shame when receiving oral sex." A lot of this has to do with a mixture of social and psychological pressure that people internalize when it comes to their sexuality. Although this seems like a dilemma involving a melange of intimacy issues and sexual prowess, it's easily remedied by figuring out what turns you on. Yeah, it's really that simple. So before you make up your mind that oral isn't for you, try the following and see if you can get into it, because I sure do.
1. Know Your Anatomy
If you don't know what's going on down there, you're going to have a hard time getting off during oral. Get the facts about your clit and, as Everyday Health noted, how important this body part is to your orgasm.
2. Give Your Partner A Sexy Anatomy Lesson
Give your partner a lesson not to be forgotten soon. #HotForTeacher.
3. Be Vocal About What Turns You On Whenever You Want
Licensed sex therapist Vanessa Marin told Bustle that telling your partner what you like about oral (be as specific as possible: like, that "gentle nibbling thing you were doing,") is key to getting what you want out of the experience. She suggests giving praise either in the middle of the action or after you've put your clothes back on. Whatever makes you the most comfortable will probably work best.
4. Don't Be Afraid To Say What You Don't Like
Cosmopolitan noted that it's OK to say what you don't like, as long as you don't finger wag. Use sensitivity and constructively critique by whispering "softer" or something of the like when what your partner doing isn't working for you.
5. Communicate Your Pleasure Nonverbally
Marin also told Bustle that nonverbal communication of pleasure during oral can be very effective. She suggests moaning during all the good parts, and even shifting your body so your partner can hit all the right spots.
6. Watch Your Partner During Oral
A lot of women tend to close their peepers during oral, noted Women's Health. Instead, keep your eyes open to see what your partner is doing so you can give more insightful constructive criticism. Oh, and it's also super hot to watch your partner give you head.
7. Watch Porn Together That Shows What You Like
This follows the same pedagogy of number two on this list, but you don't have to do any of the work. Just sit back, enjoy the show, and let your partner know what turns you on.
8. Have Your Partner Watch You Masturbate
Cosmopolitan suggested masturbating for your partner to show, rather than tell what gets you off is key to getting good oral sex. Don't be afraid to say, "lick, this, baby," and voila, you'll be reaping the rewards in no time.
9. Attend A Class, With Or Without Your Partner
A lot of sex shops have classes that offer classes on how to get the most out of sex. Check out what's going on at your local sex shop; classes are usually free. Listening to people, who are usually sex therapists or sexologists talk about the pleasure principle helps create a vocabulary for getting what you want in bed.
10. Relax Your Legs During The Deed
If you're stressing out about the fact that there's a head between your legs, don't worry; you're not alone. Cosmopolitan noted that some women tend to tense up during oral. You don't want to as the article put it, create a "vice his neck is trapped inside." Unless, you're role playing, that is.
11. Toss The Notion That Your Vagina Smells
Trust me, a guy is not worried about what his privates smell like.
12. Wear Crotchless Panties
Crotchless panties don't have to be tawdry. British lingerie brand Agent Provocateur sells a line of crotchless knickers called "ouvert," which means "open" in French. These sexy and exorbitantly expensive Denver Ouvert Red ($190) open at the crotch giving your partner quite the view during oral. With panties like these, you'll be feeling sexy, confident, and relaxed, to direct your partner's head downtown. Hey, I'd spend $200 to pull that move with swag.
13. Forget What Your Ex Did
Women's Health made the point that during intimate acts like oral, you can't help compare your ex to your current lover. Although this is common, the article noted it wasn't particularly beneficial to getting you off. Instead, focus on the sex you're having now.
14. Put On Some Sexy Music
If the lyrics don't inspire some kink, then at the very least, music can help you unwind and get into the moment. A study published in The Journal of Music Therapy suggested that music you like will help you relax and when you're calm, cool and collected, you're more likely to get what you want during oral.
15. Reward Good Oral
Finally, when you receive good oral, be sure to reward your partner in order to reinforce the technique. Never underestimate the power of praise to get you what you want in bed. Who doesn't like a reward for a job well done?