17 Funny New Years Quotes That You Need After 2016

It goes without saying that 2016 was a whirlwind of a year. The past twelve months have amplified social tension, and it’s no surprise that many people are nervous about the coming years. But in the interest of staying positive, it wouldn’t hurt to try and begin 2017 on the right foot. And one way to start is by sharing some funny New Years quotes that can give you and your loved ones a good laugh.

If anything, these quotes by comedians, authors, and celebrities remind you that everyone is human. People are going to mistakes and questionable decisions. Sometimes, they won’t meet the expectations others place upon them. (They aren’t perfect, after all.) These quotes keep it real, acknowledging the messiness of life. The least you can do is try and embrace it. Plus, it is totally healthy to laugh at yourself every now and then.

Hopefully, this list of humorous quotes will lighten up your outlook for 2017. Don’t hesitate to share these sayings with friends and family on social media, too. If you're throwing a New Year's Eve party, you can even print these quotes out and hang them up. You never know who will get a chuckle out of them.


"Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to." - Bill Vaughan


"New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time." - James Agate


"Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits." - Anonymous


"Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account." - Oscar Wilde


"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves." - Bill Vaughan


"A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other." - Anonymous


"May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions." - Joey Adams


"New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions." - Mark Twain


"The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to." - P.J. O'Rourke


"What you do for Jewish New Year is you go down to Times Square... It's a lot quieter than the regular New Year. It's just a few Jews walking around going, 'sup?'" - Jon Stewart


"My new years resolution for 2010? I will be less laz" - Jim Gaffigan


"This year my New Year's resolution was to stop saying 'Seacrest out!' after I ejaculate." - Zach Galifianakis


"The Old Year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The New Year has taken possession of the clock of time. All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months." - Edward Payson Powell


"It wouldn’t be New Year if I didn’t have regrets. " - William Thomas


"Thirty ways to shape up for [the New Year] — Number one: eat less; Number two: exercise more; Number three… What was I talking about? I’m so hungry right now." — Maria Bamford


"Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average, which means you've already met your New Year's resolution." - Jay Leno


"New Year's Day now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual." — Mark Twain