Life
Black Friday is at once both odious and wonderful. It's not a holiday, but a bloodsport that we have all agreed to play without knowing what the rules are. It's so bad and wonderful, you really must document it, and while finding the best Instagram captions for Black Friday seems like a breeze, it's harder than you think. (Partly because your brain is full of deals and chasing the woman who got the last doorbuster.)
Thankfully, I write for a living, so I can give you a cheat sheet that will work for your pictures of lines at Target, for the loot you've purchased, and for the inevitable picture of people who (probably wisely) decided to stay at home instead. As for me, I'll be working on Black Friday, so you know I'm gramming the heck out of that.
For that pic of the dude shopping with his poodle wearing a green mankini, or the picture of the fight that broke out in the food court after someone cut in line at the hibachi place after 16 samples, these captions are for you. They are not, however, for the person who took 16 samples because that is not how this works. Protocol dictates that you take one sample, pretend to consider getting the orange chicken, and then walk to grilled cheese place and spend too much money on bad poutine. And then you make a post with these captions:
11
Yup
I'm just out here, minding my own business at work, and I am assaulted with Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas" on a loop. All day. Must be an empty office. #BlackFriday #ItWasMe #IWasPlayingIt
12
Don't Be Suspicious
I am in my finest Black Friday camouflage: yoga pants, oversized sweatshirt from college, Ugg boots, and I have a Starbucks cup. My husband won't be able to see me in Macy's while I buy him the same cologne I buy him every year. He's going to be so surprised. #BlackFriday
13
Every Year
I always know what I'm getting for Christmas because my husband and I share an Amazon account, and that man is not crafty. I am super good at acting surprised. #BlackFriday #ImGettingAHeatedBlanket #100PercentUsingBeforeChristmas #TwoDayShipping
14
Don't Question It
Shopping the outdoor outlet mall in Upstate New York in November at Zero Dark? Awesome idea. Sign me up. #50percentOffUggs #WorthIt
15
When Your Wife Sees You Sneaking Out Of Bed
I can't help it, babe. I need to get the best deal, and if that means shopping online when everyone else is asleep, so help me, I'll do it. #BlackFriday
16
When You Skip It
I don't know why y'all think that deals on flat screens are worth it, but I'm going to go with capitalist conditioning. #OrImJustLazy #AndAlreadyHaveATV #BlackFriday
17
When You're Done
It's beginning to look a lot like "screw this," I'm done with the mall. And the germs it's full of. #Nope #BlackFriday
18
The Dangers Of Convenience
Apple pay is not doing good things for me on #BlackFriday. In fact, I think I might have to lock my phone up. #tooEasy
19
You're Smug
That look on your face when you get the last $40 leather jacket at the department store, and all the jealous shoppers stare at you like you called their mother a dirty word. #SmugAF #BlackFriday