Breaking up with someone is no easy task. But more difficult than dumping your significant other is deciding whether or not to end your relationship. Sure, for some people the signs you should breakup with someone are super obvious. Many more, however, struggle to come to this conclusion. After all, there are millions of things to consider before you end it, and sorting through those is not quick or easy by any means. Odds are you will spend a lot of time mulling over various aspects of your relationship, with a glass of wine in hand, before deciding that breaking up is the best thing to do.
But how do you come to that conclusion? You can’t just pull out your Magic 8 ball, dust it off, and get an answer (or not a reliable one, anyway). Not to mention, every relationship is different, making it impossible to pinpoint whether there are better times ahead or you actually need to call it quits.
That being said, there are some definite signs that you and your SO. should go your separate ways. Knowing these probably won’t make the process less painful, but it could make the decision itself easier. If you are experiencing any combinations of these 21 signs, then it may be time for you to break up with your partner.
1. You Keep Telling Yourself It'll Get Getter
Are you begging the relationship gods to bring some excitement to your love life? Although most couples go through a rut at some point, the monotony usually ends within a week or two. If you and your partner have to work to keep the spark alive, and if you aren’t willing to do that, then you shouldn’t be together.
2. You Fight All The Time
You will tear each other apart about anything, from political disagreements to the pile of dirty dishes. Yes, healthy couples argue. Probably more than they care to admit. But not to the point where the neighbors think their home is the set for The Jerry Springer Show.
3. You're Annoyed By Your SO, But Not Sure Why
These days, it doesn’t take much for your SO to send you into a series of eye rolls and ughs. Traits you once found adorable are now annoying, and their mere presence irks you to the point of hair pulling. Then they become put off by your personality, continuing the chain of annoyance.
4. You Fantasize About Other People Too Often
There’s nothing wrong with wondering what your sexy co-worker is like between sheets. In fact, psychologist and sex educator Laura Berman tells Everyday Health that fantasies are normal and important to human sexuality. But, as Berman points out, the problem arises when these dirty daydreams take over your life. When this happens, it usually means that your current relationship leaves something to be desired. And you deserve what you desire, don’t you think?
5. You're Still Hung Up On An Ex
Would you want to be with someone who was always thinking of someone else? Probably not. It’s normal to have lingering feelings for a lost love, but your partner shouldn’t have to wait around while you sort through them. Give them the chance to be with someone else while you work through your feelings. And as they say, if it’s meant to be . . .
6. You Never Ever Want To Have Sex With Your SO
Sex isn’t the most important aspect of a relationship, but it does play a part. It’s shows your partner that you are not only physically attracted to them, but that you trust them enough to share in this very intimate moment. Denying sex regularly only leads to doubts on their end and unhappiness on yours.
7. Or, You Only Want To Have Sex
If sex is the only thing you enjoy about your relationship, perhaps you two should consider switching your status to f*ck buddies. This way you can enjoy the physical pleasure without the emotional stress.
8. You Break Up And Get Back Together More Than Katy Perry & John Mayer
I truly believe in second chances, especially if a person seems genuinely sorry for wronging you. That being said, if you and your SO are constantly changing your relationship status, then you probably aren’t addressing the real reason behind your breakups. Either sort through the issue, or end things for good.
9. You Can’t Picture A Future With Them
What’s the point of carrying on with someone when you can’t see it lasting in the long run? Similarly, if you can’t picture the same future as your SO, then you two need to talk.
10. You Search The Web For Conversation Starters
Not every dinner has to include a deep philosophical discussion. But you and your SO should be able to talk to one another without getting stuck in awkward silence.
11. You Avoid Spending Time With Your SO
Absence does, in fact, make the heart grow fonder, and alone time is essential for maintaining your relationship and your individual identity. But when you consistently blow of plans with your SO “just because,” then there’s a bigger problem at hand.
12. You Are Embarrassed Of Them
Do you hide your relationship from social media? Researches from the University of Houston and Pennsylvania State University think that may be a cause for concern. Based on their findings, couples who flaunt their love lives on Facebook are more satisfied with their relationship than those who don’t. Now, obviously your social shares shouldn’t be a deciding factor, because you may just be a private person. But if you keep your SO a secret from family and friends, then there’s clearly a problem.
13. You Sweep Your Problems Under The Rug
What happens when you don’t regularly take out the trash? The garbage piles up until one day the bag breaks, leaving a trail of stench and stains on your floor. It’s the same for couples who refuse to talk about their problems. In an effort to avoid an argument, the issue only grows to the point where it can’t be fixed.
14. You Can’t Be Honest With Them
I fully support fibbing when it comes birthday surprises, eating the last Oreo, and household chores (I’ll do almost anything to avoid cleaning the bathroom). But when it comes to important issues like sexual history, finances, and feelings, just to name a few, your partner needs to know the truth. If you have a hard time opening up, it may be a sign that you aren’t comfortable with this person.
15. You Have A Tinder Profile
In the same way that it’s acceptable to fantasize about another person, it’s fine to flirt when you’re in a relationship (provided your partner is OK with it, of course). But you shouldn’t have to swipe right to do it. If you’re using a dating app to feel fulfilled, clearly your partner isn’t meeting your needs.
16. Your Friends Aren’t Fans Of Your SO
Your friends want you to be happy, especially when it comes to love. If they are disgusted or disapproving of your partner, they probably have a good reason for it. Put yourself in their position and try to look at your relationship from their perspective.
17. You Feel Threatened
Take it from someone who’s been there – your safety should never be compromised in a relationship. It’s also important to remember that abuse takes many forms. It can be something obvious, like a shove or slap, or something subtle, like a series of belittling comments. No matter the type, if you feel you have been threatened by your partner in any way, you have every right to walk away immediately.
18. You Tell Yourself It's Better Than No Relationship
What’s wrong with the single status? Being without an SO doesn’t automatically mean you’ll become a crazy cat lady (not that there’s any shame in surrounding yourself with feline friends.) There are plenty of perks to being single, from gaining independence to spending more time with friends. And besides, what’s the point of being in a relationship if it only makes you miserable?
19. You Can’t Trust Them
When your SO steps away from the phone, is your initial instinct to scroll through their texts, emails, and phone records? That could just be your nosey nature (which is a whole other potential problem), or it could also signify your lack of trust. Maybe you’ve been burned in the past, or maybe they’ve given you a reason to doubt their loyalty to you. In any case, you shouldn’t be channeling Nancy Drew to be secure in your relationship.
20. Your Gut Says So
That feeling in your stomach isn’t a Chipotle order gone awry. A 2013 study published in Science found that couples’ gut reactions could predict their relationship success. If you know in your heart that you and your SO aren’t a perfect match, then you’re better of breaking the ties and continuing the search for your soulmate.
21. You Just Read On A Story Titled “21 Signs You Should Break Up With Someone, Like Immediately.”
I hate to be Captain Obvious here, but if you’re asking the internet whether or not you should dump your SO, then it’s probably time to cut ties. That, or you’re looking for an article to send to a friend who is in a sh*tty relationship. Either way, Beyonce is about to recruit another single lady.