My daughter has been potty trained for approximately a month, and now that I've emerged from that battle victorious, I can look back on those tear and pee soaked days (or was it weeks? It's all a blur.) with fondness and pride over what the two of us have accomplished together. Just kidding. Potty training is perhaps the most necessary evils that exist in the parenting world and these tweets about potty training sum it up perfectly.
Whether you've already potty trained your child, are in the middle of it, or are just beginning to start the process these tweets will give you a sense of solidarity that yes, potty training is the closest thing to hell a toddler can throw your way, but it ends. And suddenly, your child won't need diapers anymore, and they'll pull on their Hello Kitty underwear all by themselves, and you'll look back with a tear in your eye and think "what I wouldn't give to do it all over again".
Again with the jokes.
Though potty training, like labor and teething, are all parts of the cycle of parenting, you can find comfort in the fact that even when you're soaked in pee and running to the bathroom at speeds you didn't know were possible, that other parents have been there too. You're welcome.
1. Pee. Is. Everywhere.
Potty training is 98% asking a toddler if they have to go to the potty, them saying "no", and then them peeing everywhere 2 minutes later.— KidsAreDorks (@KidsAreDorks) April 19, 2016
It's funny because it's true. There are no safe zones.
2. You Can Flush Your Dignity Too
Potty training my kid, and I just made up a cheer with the word POOP in it. Burning my college degree later today.— Carrie On, Y'all (@CarrieOnYall) April 12, 2016
Motherhood means no shame.
3. It's A Dark Time
6 hours into potty-training and I just want a dark corner, a bottle, a pack of smokes and to gently cry myself into oblivion.— Damian Morphay (@magellan79) April 16, 2016
Trust me, the first day is the worst.
The things we do to raise socially acceptable children.
5. The Pep Talk
When you give your child a potty-training pep talk but really you're talking to yourself... pic.twitter.com/z2GKnULcnu— Parents Magazine (@parentsmagazine) April 21, 2016
Sometimes we need the pep talk worse than they do.
6. Again, Pee Is Everywhere
You know it's bad when even your toddler admits it.
7. A Titanic Voyage
Potty training my twins is like the Titanic's maiden voyage... In the beginning we are excited, in the end everyone is crying and all wet.— Reda Ramirez (@redaramirez86) April 16, 2016
Minus the icebergs and romantic lighting, of course.
8. Time To Update Your Profile
I should just start saying "cleaning up pee" is one of my hobbies. Potty training - you suck! #momlife— Liza Zeneski (@bkmamaskitchen) April 13, 2016
My hobbies include long walks on the beach, drinking coffee, an cleaning up my toddler's pee.
9. The True Sign Of Success
Nephew is potty training. Gets a sticker for every successful mission. His arm is gonna look like he plays in the NBA by the end of the day.— John Pudney (@JohnPudney) April 16, 2016
Whatever gets the job done, right?
10. Just Being Honest
Potty training is my least favorite part of motherhood thus far.— DoppelBanger (@sarita516) April 16, 2016
Don't worry, they have to learn at some point. Right?
11. Be Prepared
Seated next to me on the train is a bearded man reading a book called "Oh, Crap! Potty Training." He looks like he's got it under control.— Pamela Paul (@PamelaPaulNYT) April 12, 2016
This dad is miles ahead of the rest of us.
12. The Moment Of Panic
NOTHING scarier than a potty training toddler telling you shes gotta pee when shes wearing underwear&the bathrooms on the opposite side— kylie stach (@kylieee143) April 16, 2016
Note to self: have an emergency route.
13. Set Realistic Standards
We are about to kick this potty training in high gear. My daughter gone learn today...or maybe next month...or the next...— Serenaaaaaa (@Reenuh_Gee) April 15, 2016
Or the next...or the next.
14. Motherhood In A Nutshell
But, that's still cool, right?
15. It's No Joke
3 year old: Knock knock— Megan Bryant (@KookyMegan) April 11, 2016
Me: Who's there?
3 year old: I'm poopy!!
Potty training fail, comedy win.
Well played, future comedian, well played.
16. Double The Fun
There is no apt analogy for potty training twins. It is just accepting that you will faintly smell of urine for a very long time.— Twin Freak-Out (@TwinFreakout) April 11, 2016
Dear moms of multiples,
I'm so, so sorry.
I'm at a point in my life to where if I mention "pull-ups" I'm most likely talking about potty training underwear and not exercise.— Bearded Soda Nerd (@Soda_hunter) April 11, 2016
But you'll probably still be pretty ripped from all of the running back and forth to the bathroom, so there's that.
18. Bathroom Bonding
Before potty training I never knew there could be so much bonding on a toilet seat— MommyConfidential (@confidentialmo1) April 11, 2016
It really is a beautiful experience. I promise.
19. Sh*t Happens
It just doesn't always make it to the toilet.
20. It's A Lifestyle
You'll eventually learn to accept it.