When I met my partner and we found out, six months later, that we were going to have a baby, I knew my life would change. I knew that being a mother would mean certain sacrifices; I knew some of my friendships would evolve or, sadly, end; I knew that my time would be more precious than ever. I also knew that some things wouldn't change, like my relationship with my best friend. From the moment I met her, 10 years ago, I knew she would be my best friend and,
as my best friend, my soulmate.
Don't get me wrong,
the relationship I have with my partner is extremely important to me. He's the father of my child; he's my constant support; he's my parenting partner; he's the person who I turn to for damn near everything. He's not, however, the best friend I've had by my side through every up and down imaginable. There's something to be said about the relationships we, as women, have with other women. There are things my best friend gives me that my partner, well, simply can't. There is a connection that is just different, perhaps because we both know what it is like to be women in the world, and are always supporting one another in a way that, well, only women can.
Which is why, even though I am now a mother with an endless list of responsibilities and a family to care for and provide for,
my relationship with my best friend has not changed. If anything, it has only grown stronger. She was there the day I found out I was pregnant; she was there the day my son was born; she will be there every day after, because she's more than just a best friend. She's my soulmate.
Perhaps you have a best friend who provides you with the same love and encouragement and support. Perhaps this best friend is more than just a friend, but a person you are forever linked to. Honestly, there are
signs that your best friend is your soulmate, and if you have a friend in your life who does the following things for you, well consider yourself lucky, because soulmates like those don't come around all that often. They're Not Afraid To Disagree With You
A friend will emphatically agree with you on everything and anything. A best friend will have the courage to disagree. Friendship doesn't mean turning into carbon copies of each other; it's about celebrating your individualities and finding someone you can be unapologetically yourself with.
They Tell You What You Need To Hear
If you're dating someone you shouldn't; if you're making a mistake that's going to come around and bite you in the ass; if that one outfit really doesn't look that great; if that one job is beneath you; if you're doing something you're not sure of and need advice, your best friend will tell you the truth. They won't sugar coat it and they won't spare you your feelings, because they care enough about you to tell you the things other people won't. Even if it's something you don't necessarily like hearing, at first.
They're The First Person You Call When Something Good/Bad/Weird Happens
The first person who knew I was pregnant, was my best friend. I called her before I even told my partner. When something big happens, good or bad, she is my first phone call. I know that she'll help me sort through my feelings and figure out the next steps and either laugh with me or cry with me.
You Know Their Secrets (And Keep Them)
There's not a single thing my best friend doesn't know about me. With anyone else, this would make me extremely nervous, but I know that all the dirt she has on me is going to stay with her.
You Don't Feel In Competition With Them
If your best friend is your soulmate, you're not going to feel like you're in constant competition with them and their accomplishments. You won't try to one up them, and visa versa.
When They Hurt, You Hurt...
I'm sure a mental health professional would say my dedication to my best friend boarders on unhealthy, but when she hurts, I hurt. When she's in pain or heartbroken or angry, I am all of those things, too (and actively searching for the person who hurt her).
...And When They're Happy, You're Happy
Of course, the good side of being emotionally linked to my best friend, is that her happiness feels like my happiness. Every promotion she has received; every new relationship she's been excited about; every great time in her life, are all mine, too. I am happy when she is happy and, honestly, seeing my best friend joyous is one of my absolute favorite things.
They Support You In Your Success, And Visa Versa
Best friends are going to help one another achieve their goals. They're all about doing what they can to see their bestie succeed, because (honestly) the only thing better than being successful, is watching your friends become successful, too.
They Push You To Be Better
I can tell you, without question, that I am who I am because of my best friend. She has always pushed me to try for that job; to submit that article to that one rather intimidating publication; to move to that big city because it's what I have always dreamed of doing. She literally makes be a better person, simply by being herself.
You Can Talk About Politics And Not Get Upset With One Another
My best friend and I agree on politics, for the most part, but when we don't, we're not afraid to voice our political opinions and have an in-depth discussion. It doesn't turn into a yelling match or angry attacks and it most certainly doesn't look like one of the many presidential debates we've all been forced to endure this past year.
You Take Your Partner To Meet Them Before Your Parents
Yeah, my partner met my best friend way before he met my mother. Honestly, her opinion matters most.
You Can Go Days/Weeks/Months Without Talking, And Nothing Changes...
For the first time in our friendship, my best friend and I live on the opposite sides of the country. The distance is hard, life gets crazy and, well, we go much longer than either one of us would like, without talking. Still, when we do talk and when we do see one another, it's like no time has passed. We're right back to our college days, when we lived just a few minutes away from one another. It's pretty damn awesome.
...But You Both Put In The Effort To Make Sure You Talk Regularly
But, of course, we both make the time and effort for one another so that we don't go too long without talking to one another. We have to check in and catch up and be present in one another's lives because, well, social media status updates just aren't enough.
They've Seen You At Your Worst
My best friend has seen me ugly cry (with the tears and the puffy eyes and the snot) and she has seen me completely and horrifically drunk. She has seen me so angry I could barely function and she has seen me so sick I could hardly move. She saw me and held me and
took care of me after I was sexually assaulted, easily the lowest and most horrific time in my life. She has literally seen me at my worst, and not once during any of those moments, did she look at me differently. She didn't even bat an eyelash. She was just present and there to help, any way she can. Soulmate status, you guys. They Never Judge You
And thank the friendship gods she doesn't, because we all know she easily could.
If You Had A Baby, They Were In The Room With You...
I understand that this one might not be for everyone. I mean, you're a different person when you are in the middle of labor and delivery, so if you don't want your best friend (or can't have your best friend) in the room with you, I severely doubt that changes the status of your friendship. However, I did have my best friend in the room with me. My partner was present too, but I wanted her there to take pictures and offer me the same words of encouragement she gave me at every other moment in my life. I knew her before I knew the father of my child, and I needed my person there for me when it came time to welcome my son.
...And If You Don't Want A Baby, They Don't Tell You You'll Regret It
While I decided to become a mother, my best friend doesn't want children at all. Not once have we been upset with one another's life decisions, or felt like we couldn't be friends anymore because one of us decided to be a mom, and one didn't. We respect one another and know that the only person who gets to decide what we do with our lives, is us.
People Have Probably Mistaken You Two For A Couple
Yep. Like, multiple times. I consider myself pretty damn lucky.
You Have Too Many Stories Together To Count
I think if my best friend and I tried to sit down and recount all of the stories we have between us, we would be old and wrinkly by the time we were finished. It's hard to think back on a time in my life when she wasn't there.
You Can Share Comfortable Silences Together
Some of the best moments I have spent with my best friend have been silent ones, when we just sit on the couch and binge watch shitty television and don't say a word to one another. We are comfortable enough with one another to not feel obligated to fill the space between us with filler words. It's awesome.
You Have Your Favorite Shows, And You Won't Watch Without Them/Spoil Them
My best friend and I have our favorite show (
Game of Thrones, obviously) and we either won't watch an episode until the other does or, we won't dare spoil an episode for the other person. I mean, this is just basic human decency, you guys. They Believe In You...
No matter what I try to accomplish in my life, I know my best friend will believe that I am capable. To know that I have someone to constantly be my life cheerleader, actually makes me feel more confident in myself and my capabilities.
...And Remind You Of How Awesome You Are, When You Forget
Sadly, I might need this reminder more than I should, but my best friend has always been there to remind me that, hey, I can do that thing. I am strong and I am brave and I can do something scary and come out on the other side.
They Still Make You A Priority, No Matter How Busy Life Gets
I have a full-time job and a baby and a partner and social obligations. My best friend has a puppy and a partner and a big family and a full-time job and social obligations. We're adults and life can definitely get crazy but never, ever, have we made one another feel like we're too busy for the other person. I will always have room in my life for her, and I know she will always have room in her life for me.
Simply Put, They're Your Person...
There's really no other way to describe my best friend. She's my person.
...And Your Life Wouldn't Be The Same Without Them
Seriously, what would life be without your best friend? Yeah, you can't answer that. They give you life, and you wouldn't want it any other way.