I'm quick to admit: I love talking to my niece on the phone because I know I'm going to get a free comedy show while we're talking. Though she's only 2 years old, her imagination is so lively and her ability to be the funniest kid is pretty much on G.O.A.T level. During the times when I want a hard laugh but can't get to my niece, I often search funny parenting tweets on Twitter to see who else's kids have caused a riot recently, too. Since I know every child is funny in their own way, it's so cool to see how everyone chronicles their own experiences.
Even if you're not a parent, it's kind of hard to not find humor in some of the things some of the parents reveal about their children. I mean, honestly, who wouldn't laugh at some of the things these kids say? And, more importantly, you can probably relate to one or two of the tweets they put out — even as a non-parent. For me, when anyone tweets about eating their kids' snacks, I chuckle because I sneak my niece's snacks every time I'm around. Or really, I sneak any kids' snacks when I'm at anyone's house. No one is safe if there are snacks round me.
So, whether you're a snack stealer, know that you can relate to some of the things kids do, or some of the things parents say, these 27 tweets from this week will definitely make you say, "yep, that's me."
Clean up on aisle one.
2Who Taught Ya?
I hope people think my toddler has a slight English accent bc we're so cultured and not bc she's basically been raised by Peppa Pig— Spookypants Cher (@House_Feminist) October 19, 2016
Well, at least she's versed.
3The High Life
Gianna is so bougie. She will not sleep in her toddler bed because it's too small. I. Am. Over it.— Kenna Coughenour (@heynikkkki) October 20, 2016
Oh, you fancy, huh?
4Who You Gonna Call?
Hi yes toddler support? I'd like to file a bug report. Mine won't enter sleep mode— undeadwards (@nedwards) October 20, 2016
Parenting Pro Tip: If any of your offspring say they're going to puke, believe them.— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) October 18, 2016
Never doubt a kid on a puking mission.
I just watched my 6mo old tip over in fear of her own scream.— Parenting In Plaid. (@parentingnplaid) October 16, 2016
I never thought I'd find joy in my childs sadness.
7Make Up Your Mind
Aren't we all like this?
Just saw a mom drive away without her kid in the parking lot Poor kid was running after her screaming b4 the van finally stopped #momlife— Rachelle (@rachellella) October 20, 2016
Everyone's done it.
When will I get to eat my next meal? When will I get to use the restroom? When will I get to shower? #MomLife— Nova Melvin (@SuperNova14) October 20, 2016
Just tell me.
Pee is included.
11Time Waits For No One
Not even those playing Pokémon Go.
Friend's nanny texted to say her toddler daughter was methodically choking stuffed animal, calling it Trump— Jesse Hirsch (@Jesse_Hirsch) October 20, 2016
You know where her vote is going.
Treat them like your own, right?
14Where Did It Go?
Who created this monster?
15Unlock The Swag
The swag's unlocked.
Just make sure you do it better than your kid.
17How To Conquer The Day
Who said your best days have to be the cleanest?
Got the moves like ninjas.
19Organic Saves The Day
Confession: After my kids fall asleep, I binge eat their fruit snacks.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) October 17, 2016
But they're organic so it's okay.
At least you're eating healthy.
Today I had to tell my daughter 'Don't wipe your hands on your hair.'— TwistedDoodles (@twisteddoodles) October 16, 2016
Just in case you weren't aware that was an option. #parenting
She knows how to keep her hands clean though.
How to freak out children:— Sam GHOULdson (@SamGouldson) October 18, 2016
1) Forget you're wearing a glow-in-the-dark skeleton top
2) Go in their room to tell them to be quiet#parenting
Betcha they'll go to sleep now.
No one is safe.
There's no stopping them.
Parenting tip: Your kids won't listen to you. They need to hurt themselves before they believe you. Just skip to that step and save stress.— Joe Goodberry (@JoeGoodberry) October 16, 2016
Just let them experience life.
Pro parenting tip: If you lick your fingers to help you open the nappy bag make sure you do it BEFORE changing the nappy.— Tom Maslen (@tmaslen) October 17, 2016
Sometimes picking your battles means letting your toddler sleep with their shoes on— Magick Momma♊️ (@witchy_wife) October 17, 2016
They'll take them off in the morning.
I figure I'll keep telling the toddler to run back and forth across the front lawn until the beer is gone. She'll sleep well, and so will I.— C. C. Pecknold (@ccpecknold) October 19, 2016
Sleep like a baby tonight.