29 Hysterical Parenting Tweets All Moms Can Relate To (Even If They Won't Admit It)
The beginning of August signifies two things: the soon-to-be end of summer vacation and the start of your child's school year, as well as the trials and tribulations that come along with it. This means that days spent at the pool will soon be replaced with days spent shopping for school supplies; sleeping in will be replaced with waking up at 5:30 a.m.; laughter will be replaced with complaints about homework. To provide you with a few extra laughs before you have to spend all of your free time carpooling a screaming car full of 8-year-olds, there are some hilarious parenting tweets from Twitter's funniest parents.
Summer is certainly no cake walk, but it always ends just as you're just starting to get used to the humid weather and appreciate the extra time you've gotten to spend with your kids. Being a parent is hard, especially so in the summer, but luckily these parents understand exactly what you go through each and every day. So sit back, relax, and enjoy these last few weeks of summer. Because let's face it, there really is nothing more excruciating than helping an 11-year-old finish a science project, and you might just end up missing these warm summer months.
1. Sad But True
You can tell you're getting old when people start giving you mugs as gifts.— Erica (@SCbchbum) July 28, 2016
The dreaded day has come.
2. I Hate You, Mom
My kids are very well* adjusted**— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) July 29, 2016
Apparently I "ruin their lives" by asking them to put socks on.
3. Goodbye, Sanity
One time I gave birth to three human beings in five years and three quarters of my brain evaporated.— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) July 25, 2016
One of the inevitable side effects of being a parent.
Just paused in the middle of arguing with my 3 yr old, to reflect on the fact that we were arguing about buying clouds at the cloud store.— Bubble Guppied (@gamecox93) July 28, 2016
Been there, argued about that.
90% of parenting is just yelling "WHY?!" after your kid does something— Josh (@iwearaonesie) July 27, 2016
6. Who Would Have Thought?
My son's playing with a toy cell phone, and he's pretending to use it to TALK to someone.— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) July 29, 2016
I can't BELIEVE the imagination on this child.
You must be so, so proud.
Those four little words that makes kids cringe and parents very happy...— Busted Flip Flops (@GrillinChillin9) July 26, 2016
Back To School Shopping
The absolute worst time of the year.
I put on a skirt and my daughter said I looked just like Barbie.— Wendy S. (@maughammom) July 25, 2016
See, the trick is to set the bar really, really low...
That is quite the compliment.
9. Truly Chilling
My 8 year old was awake on the couch at 6 am and said "I always wake up at this time, Daddy" and I felt like I was in a horror movie trailer— Zack (@Mr_Kapowski) July 28, 2016
Straight out of my nightmares.
How To Be An Adult— Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist) July 27, 2016
1) pretend vigorously
2) let the anxiety that people will discover ur pretending eat away at ur soul
3) prepare for death
Sounds about right.
11. Avoid At All Costs
I would 100% rather walk over hot coals barefoot than through my kids' playroom barefoot.— Sarcastic Ally (@SarcasticAlly12) July 28, 2016
Hell hath no fury like a mother who just stepped on a lego.
Motherhood is just a never ending test of how long you can hold your pee while you do a bunch of crap you don't even want to be doing.— Dragging Feeties (@DraggingFeeties) July 25, 2016
It's that simple.
13. Pretty Much
Moms: Weren't you watching our son? He just threw a chair.— dadpression (@Dadpression) July 27, 2016
Dads: Don’t worry I got it on video.
The real difference between moms and dads summed up.
First kid: healthy, organic everything.— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) July 29, 2016
After third kid: KFC chicken leg falls on floor - just pick it up and eat it, I don't care.
The third kid can pretty much get away with anything.
15. Busy, Busy Bees
Kid's to do list— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 27, 2016
1. Make something
2. Break something
4. Lose stuff
5. Outgrow shoes
6. Be cute
7. Tell a long long story
Kids have SUCH busy schedules.
Today's parenting style is just me shouting, "I SAID GET ALONG" in my Scary Mom Voice each time I hear them starting to sorta disagree.— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) July 28, 2016
Works like a charm.
17. Homework Blues
I tell my kids that it's important to learn pointless algebra because someday they may have to help their kids learn pointless algebra.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) July 28, 2016
It's a lie, but it has to be done.
18. Summer Fun?
First night of our vacation:— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 29, 2016
3 kids woke up crying.
1 kid peed through her clothes
My wife threw up
So it's going better than last year.
Sounds better than my last vacation, at least.
19. You Go, Kid
Was just inspired watching my toddler hate-eat a stalk of broccoli in order to get a cookie.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) July 27, 2016
If a toddler can do it, then maybe I can, too!
20. Absolutely Genius
A toilet that automatically flushes, and shouts "wash your hands" every time my 4yo uses the bathroom, so I don't have to.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 26, 2016
Why has this not been invented yet?
21. Please Pipe Down
Oh, you love this song? Time for me to tell you the longest and most pointless story I know.— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) July 27, 2016
-kids in the car
Every. Single. Day.
22. Moms Never Sleep
An exciting thing about kids is that they'll wake up screaming at 2 am, and you won't know if they're dying or if their "mouth feels spicy."— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) July 28, 2016
Spoiler alert: it's always the latter.
Me: Which one of you thought it was a good idea to play soccer in the house?— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) July 27, 2016
All of them raise their hands.
Did you even have to ask?
Today is my son's 2nd birthday.— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) July 27, 2016
Coincidentally, it also marks the 2 year anniversary of the last time I ate a hot meal.
Those really were the days.
25. No Bowling, No Problem
Taking my son bowling because nothing pairs better with an accident-prone preschooler than a heavy object & a slippery floor.— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) July 25, 2016
I think I'll pass.
26. Sweet, Sweet Freedom
When you're a parent, sometimes you get to take mini-vacations.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 28, 2016
These are also known as trips to the bathroom without your child knowing.
Who needs Hawaii?
27. Like Father, Like Son?
We're playing hide and seek, and my 6yo is trying to hide behind a window.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) July 25, 2016
I wonder how I'll spend his college fund?
I wonder where he learned it from.
Every day is summer with kids because every day is longer with kids.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) July 26, 2016
Summer "vacation" isn't really a vacation when you're a parent.
29. Please, Just Take A Nap
"I'm bored."— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) July 25, 2016
- my son, 15 minutes after we just got back from 3 boiling hot hours at the zoo, where also Dippin' Dots was had
You can never, ever truly satisfy kids. Don't bother trying.