31 Hilarious Tweets That Perfectly Capture The Everyday Struggles Of Parents
Have you changed more diapers in the past couple of weeks than you can count on two hands? Did you spend the majority of your night bickering with a 9-year-old? Have you had that annoying theme song of Dora the Explorer stuck in your head for the past three days? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then you're most definitely a mom, and could probably use a month-long vacation. Or at the very minimum, a 10 minute break. Luckily, we have another installment of hilarious parenting tweets to get you out of your funk.
When you're a parent, each and every day can feel like an uphill battle, especially when convincing your 6-year-old to put on shoes results in an hour-long screaming fit. Raising kids is no doubt a challenge, and sometimes you may feel a bit over your head in laundry, bills, groceries, and of course, diapers. Reading about the woes of other parents, however, can most definitely feel pretty reassuring or, at the very least, give you a well-deserved laugh. So sit back, relax, and enjoy this week's round-up, brought to you by the most hilarious parents on Twitter who totally understand what you're going through.
TOP 10 PHRASES I USE WITH MY KIDS— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) July 21, 2016
10. Maybe later
Couldn't have said it better myself.
2. When Did That Happen?
In any given situation, there's nothing more frightening than looking around and realizing you're the adult.— De Nada Donna (@Donna_McCoy) July 19, 2016
*declines all social invitations to enjoy freshly-changed bedsheets instead*— Rob Cee (@TheRobCee) July 17, 2016
Every. Single. Weekend.
4. Been There, Done That
Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at Target like coming home from Target.— Marlebean (@Marlebean) July 21, 2016
5. Sad But True
Annoying stuff about kids:— SuperSardonicTart™ (@SardonicTart) July 21, 2016
1) All of it
Yet we still love them anyway.
6. Please, Just Take A Nap
The kids wanted to play hide and seek so I told them to count to 100 while I entered the witness protection program.— Svenn Amish (@amishschool) July 15, 2016
I don't blame you.
7. Never Going Back
What do I have to do to get suspended from my kids’ Back to School nights?— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) July 16, 2016
I would do almost anything.
Her: I never take my eyes off my son. I hate how parents are so inattentive these days.— Graceful AF (@graceful_asfuck) July 21, 2016
Me: [lifting 6 out of lion cage] mm hmm me too
Me as a mom.
Things our family enjoys together without anyone complaining:— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) July 18, 2016
Sounds about right.
10. Oh No
Parents whining about how hard toddlers are clearly haven't endured the unmitigated hell on earth that is an 8yo girl.— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) July 20, 2016
You. Just. Wait.
Not looking forward to it.
11. Pass The Wine
Do you guys have any idea how much wine it takes to raise a child?— Rupert Pupkin (@citizenkawala) July 18, 2016
Gallons and gallons.
*approaches parent struggling with tantruming child*— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) July 19, 2016
Hi, excuse me, I speak fluent whiny 3 year old.
It's an acquired skill.
13. No, No, No
A long, slow descent into hell, but it's a road trip with the husband and kids.— just plain beth (@whoawhut) July 17, 2016
Sounds like an absolute nightmare.
14. Not Again
My husband's sole purpose in life is to have me explain the entire plot of a TV series while I'm trying to watch the last 20 minutes.— Northern Lights (@PinkCamoTO) July 19, 2016
Please. Stop. Talking.
"Why are you leaking?" is my toddler's new way of insulting my sweating in public.— Goodnight Sanity (@GoodnightSanity) July 20, 2016
Your toddler is an absolute savage.
16. Fashionably Late
90% of the time we are late because we foolishly believe our kids when they say they can do something like find a sock themselves.— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) July 16, 2016
Spoiler alert: they never can.
17. No Vacation, No Problem
Work hard all year to take your family on a beach vacation so you can listen to your kid ask to go to the pool instead of the ocean.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 22, 2016
Parenting sure is a blast!
Playing Twister with your kids is a great way of feeling young at heart, but old on every other part of your body.— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) July 19, 2016
Twister is never, ever worth the pain.
19. Breakfast Of Champions
You made your kid a gluten-free Pikachu-shaped pancake for breakfast?— Mom Psychologist (@mompsychologist) July 21, 2016
My son had a Lunchables b/c "that's what fell out of the fridge."
Who is the real winner here?
A toddler can be an asshole all day and make up for it with one "I love you."— Draper (@CallMeDraper) July 21, 2016
21. Silence Is Golden
New parents don't have a clue how good they'll ultimately get at eating certain snacks and treats silently.— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) July 22, 2016
I want to go back in time and prevent my kids from ever learning the word "boring"— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) July 22, 2016
23. Why Oh Why
Fun Fact: Children only listen to what you say when you absolutely, 100% don't want them to.— Mommy_Owl (@Lhlodder) July 20, 2016
It's a science.
24. Something's Fishy
I hear your kid crying at Target:— Sarcastic Ally (@SarcasticAlly12) July 22, 2016
<10 min: barely notice
15: supportive smile
30: avoid you
>30: starting to think the problem might be you
Sad, but true.
There are literally toys everywhere, but sure, son, have a blast playing with the potato peeler.— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) July 21, 2016
Why even bother buying toys?
26. Can't Keep My Hands To Myself
The 2yo is crying because I won't let her stick her hand in the toilet her sister just peed in.--If you're not sure what that age is like.— Sweet n' Sour Mom (@SweetnSourMom) July 20, 2016
Parenting in a nutshell.
my favorite scary camp story as a kid was the one where you grow up, get married, and conform to societal norms. couldn't sleep for a month— beth loves cake, so (@bourgeoisalien) July 21, 2016
The scariest story there ever was.
28. My Mistake
Today I introduced my 5yo to the joy of video games AND witnessed his nearly simultaneous tailspin into violent frustration with said games.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) July 20, 2016
It was bound to happen eventually.
29. Can We Rewind, Please?
My childlike wonderment is not impressed with adulthood.— Skinnie Talls (@SkinnieTalls) July 22, 2016
Not one bit.
30. Mom Goals
My "to do" list is just a note of all the snacks I plan to eat prior to panic cleaning the entire house before everyone arrives home— MF FairyPrincessSmoo (@Smooheed) July 21, 2016
Parenting done right.
31. Losing My Sanity
When I say I've got my hands full, it's not just a figure of speech. I have babies, toddlers, wipes, bottles, toys, snacks, etc. in my hands— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) July 21, 2016
When you're a parent, your hands are always full. Metaphorically and literally.