The arrival of summer is no doubt an exciting time for kids, but is perhaps a less than thrilling occasion for parents. The beginning of summer vacation indicates the end of your kids' school year, which means you're going to have to figure out additional ways to occupy their time. For some parents, summer vacation might be seen as a relaxing period in which you're given more time to bond with your kids. Other parents, however, might instead be dreading this season, which brings with it double the tantrums, double the sunburns and requires double the patience. Luckily, to get you through this difficult time period, we have another weekly installment of the funniest parenting tweets for you to scroll through.
If you're part of the latter group of parents who aren't exactly thrilled about the beginning of the summer season, it should be comforting to note that you most certainly are not alone. Thousands of parents are just like you and constantly feel as if they're drowning under the responsibilities of parenthood, as made clear through the tweets below from Twitter's most hysterical parents. This summer, make sure to purchase an extra bottle of sunscreen — and an extra bottle of wine — to help you get through the madness that summer brings.
1. Rookie Mistake
I almost made eye contact with my kids when they were playing happily together like some sort of parenting amateur or something.— Meredith (@PerfectPending) May 23, 2016
Well, at least you caught yourself.
2. Takes After Mom
"Why doesn't my son play with the other kids?" I ask myself as I stand alone, warily watching the other parents at the park from a distance.— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) May 16, 2016
Can you blame him?
3. Seems About Right
"I've been saving this bottle of wine for a special occasion!" I yell over my screaming toddler as I chug straight from the bottle.— Goodnight Sanity (@GoodnightSanity) May 20, 2016
We've all been there.
4. Living The Dream
My toddler wouldn't take a nap, refused to wear her clothes & diaper and peed on the floor twice. Just another day in paradise.— SingleBabyMama (@_SingleBabyMama) May 25, 2016
Who needs a vacation? You do.
5. Mom Knows Best
Stranger: Oh no! Your toddler just ate a cracker off the floor.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) May 25, 2016
Me: (laughs) Oh, that's okay. That's our third child.
By the third kid, parents have pretty much seen it all. Nothing fazes them anymore.
4-year-old: *makes faces in the mirror*— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 24, 2016
Me: Your reflection always does exactly what you do.
4: Sometimes she doesn't.
This sounds like a scene straight out of a horror movie.
7. Joke's On You
Haze new parents by asking if their baby is sleeping at night yet- this implies that one day the parent will feel rested again. Hilarious.— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) May 25, 2016
You probably w0n't feel fully rested until your kid is off to college. Comforting, right?
8. Bedtime Blues
What you say: It's almost your bedtime.— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) May 23, 2016
What the child hears: Take out every toy you own. Eat a cupcake. Spill a giant box of crayons.
100 percent accurate.
9. Been There, Done That
I ate a gas station taquito for lunch and now I'm questioning all my life's decisions.— J B (@monks_19) May 25, 2016
You've hit rock bottom. There's nowhere to go but up from here.
10. So Young, So Naive
Remember, parents: your children look to you for guidance. Kids are dumb like that.— Must Be 18 To Meh (@TheAlexNevil) May 23, 2016
Yesterday I wore my shirt inside out and ate leftover spaghetti with my bare hands. I am no role model.
11. See You Never
I'm sorry, I can't go to your New Year's Eve party because I'll still be sitting here listening to the story my son is telling.— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) May 22, 2016
Maybe it'll be finished by Halloween?
12. Approach With Caution
When I notice I've left my sunglasses within reach of my toddler, I approach like I would an angry rattlesnake.— Downtime Dad (@DowntimeDad) May 24, 2016
In situations like these, it's important to remember to remain calm.
Cleaning the whole house: 3 hours— The Dude With Kids (@Thedudewithkids) May 25, 2016
Time it takes the kids to destroy it: 13 secs
Drinking at 4pm because you're a parent: Understandable
This is parenting summed up in a nutshell.
14. Might As Well Be A Twin Bed
You'll never know exactly how small a king bed is until you have to share it with a toddler.— Shauna Armitage (@VioletMoonBlog) May 24, 2016
How can someone so small take up so much space?
15. No Soup, No Service
You'd be surprised how much of parenting is reminding your children not to eat soup with their hands.— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) May 21, 2016
You'd think they'd remember after being told the first 20 times, but nope.
Me: Can you get the kids dressed and ready for me?— Stephanie M (@kookiedelukey) May 21, 2016
What my husband heard: Can you open a bag of Doritos and watch Top Gear?
It's like it goes through one ear and out the other.
17. One Star, Five Stars
I wish there was Yelp reviews for my kid's friend's parents I haven't met yet.— Son of Bitch, Shit (@tdwyer618) May 24, 2016
This would change lives for the better.
18. Too Real
Kids were screaming, fighting and calling each other names as I walked by the playground. I think they were playing Presidential Primary.— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) May 22, 2016
Congratulations! Your children are politicians in the making.
19. Love You Too, Son
My son is celebrating his birthday by telling everyone his mom has stretch marks.— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) May 18, 2016
Worst birthday ever.
20. Kids Say The Darndest Things
"Why do you hate me?"— SuperSardonicTart™ (@SardonicTart) May 26, 2016
- Kids when you make them do literally anything
You can never win with them.
21. Why Oh Why
My kids are missing that gene that let's them know empty cereal boxes don't go back in the cupboard.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 23, 2016
They got that from their dad.
Doesn't matter if I'm hours late, if he doesn't have his shoes on when I'm finally ready, it's his fault.— Sandra (@Sanbel11) May 25, 2016
Hell hath no fury like a mother who is running late.
23. A Sticky Situation
Parenting is a lot like the bar scene: Everyone's yelling, everything's sticky, and occasionally someone pukes somewhere they shouldn't.— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) May 23, 2016
One of the most accurate comparisons I've ever read.
I've reached the level of mom where I order people to appreciate the scenery.— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) May 22, 2016
Hopefully I'll make it there one day.
25. Time Outs and Tantrums
Disciplining our children would be a lot more fun if most of the punishments weren't just as terrible for us as they are for them.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 24, 2016
Most of the time, we're really only punishing ourselves.
26. Straight Out Of My Nightmares
Nice try, horror movies, but the scariest thing I've ever seen is still a 4-year-old holding a sharpie without the cap.— Jordan (@jordan_stratton) May 23, 2016
I just got chills.
School drop-off in Sept: Get out of car, big hug, walk them in— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) May 24, 2016
In May: Slow car to 5mph, make kids tuck n roll, drive off blasting Beyonce
All parents learn eventually.
28. First Prize
Does Guinness have a category for "smelliest child after literally JUST taking a shower?" I have a contender here.— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) May 23, 2016
If there isn't a category for this, then there really should be.
29. Seriously, Though
Where do people without teen daughters go for unsolicited fashion advice?— Fran (@FC2917) May 24, 2016
Nobody understands fashion quite like teenage daughters.
30. Parenting Prodigy
I'm getting really good at this parenting thing. I just secretly ate 3 oreos while my kids were in the same room.— Iwan (@IwanWil) May 26, 2016
Show me your ways, Iwan.
31. Another Day, Another Tantrum
Sorry I'm late, my son noticed his pupils were circles and he wants square ones.— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) May 25, 2016
It's been a hard day for him.
32. Queen Of Leftovers
She died doing what she loved, eating unidentifiable leftovers just to get them out of the fridge.— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 24, 2016
May she rest peacefully.
33. Fool Me Twice, Shame On Me
93% of the food your toddler is trying to feed you has already been licked.— KidsAreDorks (@KidsAreDorks) May 18, 2016
All parents learn this the hard way.