It's the middle of the week, and as a mom, you've already probably dealt with nearly a dozen of your kids' meltdowns. The endless cooking, hour-long carpool sessions and countless number of sleepless nights might have you down, but luckily, we have a mid-week surprise to help cheer you up: this week's round-up of the most hilarious parenting tweets.
There's no denying that being a parent can be hard, but remembering that there are tons of other moms out there going through similar scenarios as you can make the job feel a little lighter, and a lot more hilarious. You aren't the only parent out there that spent the evening convincing your 6-year-old that the television was not haunted, or the only mom that had to pry your toddler's favorite teething toy out of the garbage. As parents, you're never truly alone. There is always another mom out there that knows exactly the hardships and trials that you are going through.
Sit back, relax, and check out some of the most priceless tweets that Twitter's funniest parents have to offer. You won't regret it, and just might begin to appreciate a bit more all of the craziness that parenthood has to offer.
1. Could've Been Worse
Parenting...when you're looking at the bottom of your purse for a receipt and find a tooth from one of your kids instead.— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) April 15, 2016
Been there. Found that.
2. Parenting 101
There is only one rule to successful parenting: Never. Run. Out. Of. Batteries.— Will (@willgoldstein) April 14, 2016
Or juice boxes. And granola bars.
3. Quite The Artist
Before I had kids I didn't even know you could paint an entire dining room table with a single container of yogurt.— Ashley Austrew (@ashleyaustrew) April 17, 2016
Actually kind of impressive when you really think about it.
4. Learned The Hard Way
My sons' favorite place to keep their toothbrushes is on the bathroom floor where they also like to pee— Ryan Swift (@RyanSwift2) April 17, 2016
At least it's not in the toilet, right?
5. Sound Logic
I asked my twins if they wanted pancakes for breakfast and one of them responded "yeah, and cookies for whoever was the winner at sleeping"— MUMSIE, ᴇsǫ. (@MUMSIEesq) April 17, 2016
I see their point.
6. What's Your Secret?
If your bedtime routine doesn't involve screaming, begging, and two hours of your life every night then please tell me your secret.— Goodnight Sanity (@GoodnightSanity) April 16, 2016
You must be some sort of wizard.
7. No Comeback
My 11 year-old just called me insane and I had no comeback.— SuperSardonicTart™ (@SardonicTart) April 18, 2016
Sounds pretty spot on to me.
8. Drinking Fountain Blues
I never taught my kids to put their mouth on the drinking fountain, but luckily they picked it up somewhere.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) April 16, 2016
To whoever taught my kids this: I will find you, and I will hunt you down.
Preschooler parenting #protip: if you need to leave the house by 4:30PM, begin getting ready two weeks prior. No, wait. Make it three.— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) April 16, 2016
You could even make it four weeks, just to be safe.
10. Sorry, Not Sorry
I'd like to thank my kids, my wife and my bank account for my midlife crisis. I couldn't do it without you guys.— Majorboobage (@Majorboobage) April 12, 2016
11. My Happy Place
My favorite time of day is that glorious 3 seconds between when all the dishes are clean and all the dishes are dirty.— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) April 16, 2016
Could not agree more.
12. Common Mistake
I thought I had a headache this morning but it turns out I just have kids.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 18, 2016
No amount of Tylenol can cure that.
Can't.— KC of TX (@kcmoore51) April 16, 2016
At Target judging everybody.
My favorite pastime.
14. I Feel Your Pain
I'm having baby carrots for a snack but I'm pretending they are Cheetos because this is what being a depressed, hungry adult is all about.— Goddess of Mischief™ (@AsgardianRose) April 15, 2016
When your kids move out, you finally no longer have to pretend that you like vegetables.
15. Who Are They Kidding?
It's cute how my kids think they can out-vote the parents like this is some sort of democracy.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) April 18, 2016
Where would they get a crazy idea like that?
Just angrily threw a bunny-shaped bottle of bubbles across the room, in case you're wondering who's winning motherhood.— Dragging Feeties (@DraggingFeeties) April 14, 2016
17. More Like 3 Hours
"Well there's 2 hours of my life I'll never get back"— Josh (@iwearaonesie) April 14, 2016
- me after getting my toddler dressed
You'd think it would be easy to dress somebody so small. But nope.
18. Percentage Parenting
90% of parenting is being unable to calculate percentages.— Frank Whitehouse (@WheelTod) April 17, 2016
The other 10 percent of parenting is wiping throw-up off the kitchen cabinets.
19. Luckiest Mom Ever
Got a letter from school saying 8's class won a pizza party and wouldn't need to pack a lunch. I just won the parenting lottery.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) April 13, 2016
You, my dear, have indeed won the parenting lottery.
20. Not So Fun
This "family fun" night at school sounds like mommy is going to be drinking an entire bottle of wine later— Suburbia_Mommy (@runner_mom2) April 15, 2016
Or maybe two bottles. Just in case.
21. Pipe Down
Nothing like a trip to the park with my kids on a beautiful day to remind me how annoying I find most other kids.— lifeandlittleones (@lifelovelitle1) April 17, 2016
Maybe my kids are annoying, but yours are worse.
Adult cereal is like kids cereal except adults only eat kids cereal before they go to bed on a Saturday night when they’re drunk and hungry.— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) April 18, 2016
Why else would anyone be scarfing down Lucky Charms at 2 a.m.?
22. I Can Do This
Parenting is basically just having to remember who likes peas & who likes beans & what colour cup is right & why you went up the stairs— Claire Smith (@MinistryOfMum) April 12, 2016
Maybe it's not rocket science, but it's still the hardest job out there.
24. No Judgment
If anyone asks, my kid is wearing part of a Build-A-Bear outfit because he *wanted* to, not because I haven't done laundry in 2 weeks.— Marta Effing Ketchup (@MartaEffing) April 15, 2016
25. If I Say Yes Will You Be Quiet?
"If mom or dad tell you no 1,000 times, then try asking 1,000 more!"— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) April 16, 2016
Unfortunately, this sometimes works. Kids really know what they're doing.
26. Stand-Up Comedian
Husband: "I accidentally laughed at one of our kid's jokes, so she's going to be doing her routine for the rest of the night."— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) April 14, 2016
"Cute" can become "annoying" real, real fast.
27. How Is This Possible?
My children are getting along and laughing this morning. The planets must be out of alignment.— Cathryn (@AngryRaccoon2) April 18, 2016
Something's not right in the universe.
28. Why Even Bother?
Just took my kids on a 1 mile walk around the neighborhood. It took 4 days.— A Hess (@AtypicalMama) April 15, 2016
You deserve a medal.
29. Three Kids Too Many
The problem with having three kids is that there's three of them.— Iwan (@IwanWil) April 12, 2016
30. Why Oh Why
"I'm hungry. Except for anything you made. There's no way I'm eating that."— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) April 17, 2016
Why should you even bother to cook anything other than macaroni and cheese?
Being a dad means always being a shoulder to cry on.— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 13, 2016
And wipe your nose on.
And spit up on.
I'm basically just a human napkin.
It could be worse, right?
32. Party Animal
My social life is actually not as wild and crazy as these pink sequined cat slippers would have you believe.— Wendy S. (@maughammom) April 18, 2016
It's a Friday night and I'm working on a jigsaw puzzle with my 6-year-old, so you could say I'm pretty wild.
75% of parenting is taking their keys to punish them— EnvyDaTropic™ (@envydatropic) April 14, 2016
And giving them back because they're driving you crazy
Who are you really trying to punish? Yourself?