Parents truly come in all shapes and sizes. Some might be Type A moms who refuse to purchase anything that isn't 100 percent organic, while others might not have seen the floor of your living room in weeks due to the mess of toys and dirty socks engulfing it. Despite how vastly parents can differ from one another, there are certain aspects of parenthood that all of us can certainly relate to — the tantrums, sticky fingers and lack of sleep — as made clear in this week's round-up of priceless parenting tweets.
It's easy to feel alone when you're a parent. Sometimes, it's just you and your thoughts — and your screaming toddler, of course — and you forget that there are other moms out there that are also drowning in laundry and empty juice box cartons. You're not the only parent who forgot to pick her kids up from daycare yesterday, or the sole mom who showed up to a PTA meeting with an applesauce stain on her blouse. Despite the wide array of parenting styles and "mom types" that exist, what you'll all always have in common with others is how much you love your kids. And that you wouldn't trade any of your exhausting, hilarious parenting moments for anything in the world.
Can I do this?— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) August 17, 2016
-Kids, while doing it
Spoiler alert: they can't.
2. How Profound
"My hair's not messy. It's on an adventure."— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) August 19, 2016
- My 9-year-old daughter, officially kicking off her career as my spiritual advisor.
She might really be on to something.
3. Like Father, Like Son
"No son of mine is going to spend his entire day playing video games!" I tell everyone on various social media sites.— Return Of The Meh (@TheAlexNevil) August 18, 2016
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
4. Target For The Win
Husband: I'm going to Target, do you need anything?— Meredith (@PerfectPending) August 18, 2016
Me: Wait. Cute throw pillows, or everything in the $1 aisle.
Please and thank you.
5. Friendship Goals
Last week, I made plans to go out tonight with some mom-friends. Today, everyone cancelled.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) August 16, 2016
Sometimes you find people that just get you.
Once you find them, never let them go.
My 4 year old spilled water on his bathing suit, so he can't go in the pool until he changes and this is why vodka is a thing.— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 16, 2016
I couldn't agree more.
7. Not Again
How do I know my toddler was playing in a sandbox?— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) August 18, 2016
Because the sandbox just fell out of my toddler's shoe.
Excess sand is responsible for roughly 84 percent of my anxiety.
These Olympic gymnasts are amazing. After 2 kids, I'd be proud to even walk across that springy floor without peeing.— Sarcastic Ally (@SarcasticAlly12) August 17, 2016
9. Rain, Rain Don't Go Away
Currently, the massive thunderstorm forming over my town threatening to cancel my daughter's cheerleading practice is my favorite thing.— Lance Burson (@lanceburson) August 18, 2016
10. How Dare He
Me: A stake through the heart kills vampires— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 16, 2016
6-year-old: A stake through the heart kills anyone
Thanks for ruining a genre of movies, kid.
Thanks a lot, kid.
Studies show that 97% of kids who slack off during group projects in school turn into adults who expect you to fundraise for their kids.— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) August 17, 2016
The worst kinds of people.
12. Millennials Know Nothing
Me: And when I was a teenager, I had to look up movie times in a newspaper!— Vodka n Tots (@Vodkantots) August 16, 2016
Kids: What's a newspaper?
He'll learn one day. Hopefully.
5yo: I'm going to kill everyone!— Zoe vs. the Universe (@zoevsuniverse) August 16, 2016
Me: Don't say "kill." It's not nice.
(5 minutes later)
5yo: I'm going to make everyone dead!
Parenting done right.
14. No Sleep, No Problem?
Sharing a double bed with an 8yo is like going to sleep wearing a sweaty backpack full of rocks, elbows, and kneecaps.— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) August 15, 2016
Yeah, I'll pass.
15. Sounds Good To Me
Me: What vegetable should we have with dinner tonight?— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) August 17, 2016
7yo: Mini pancakes
I see nothing wrong with this.
16. Time Flies
Risk taking in your 20s: binge-drinking.— Mommy_Owl (@Lhlodder) August 18, 2016
Risk taking in your 30s: letting your kids drink milk out of non-childproof cups... in the car.
There's still a level of danger, though.
17. Danger, Danger
Hell hath no fury like a 6yo who had to turn his YouTube video off because it was time to eat.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) August 16, 2016
18. Nope, Not That
Me: what do you want to be when you grow up?— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) August 13, 2016
Me: no, something reasonable
Maybe like a firefighter or something.
*wraps kids in tinfoil for easy cleanup*— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) August 15, 2016
Why didn't I think of that?
20. Rookie Mistake
Parenting tip: If you say to a child, "Please find something else to complain about" they will find 43 other things to complain about.— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) August 18, 2016
You set yourself up for that one.
21. True Mystery
What do people without kids use the top rack of the dishwasher for?— Mommin Aint Easy (@mommingainteasy) August 19, 2016
I'm honestly wondering here.
22. Spot On
“Let's just forget we both need sleep and get back to focusing on this barely noticeable scab from several weeks ago.”— dadpression (@Dadpression) August 16, 2016
-Two year olds
Two-year-old logic is the best kind of logic.
23. Back To School Drama
School supply shopping means I'm in search of a 2-prong folder with a clear cover, 2 pockets & red.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 17, 2016
But not that color of red.
My thoughts and prayers are with every mother who has to shop for school supplies this week.
24. No Chance
Them: Did you go out this weekend?— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August 15, 2016
Me: You mean, like "out of the house?"
They really had to even ask?
Kids can make you think crazy thoughts... like right now I'm thinking maybe I'll chop off my finger to enjoy a kid free night in the E.R.— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) August 16, 2016
Been there. Thought that.
26. Little Angels
My kids are very considerate. For example, they are kind enough to wake me up at 3:00 AM to let me know that they are awake.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) August 18, 2016
27. Crisis Averted
Based on the crying she does when I go to the bathroom, I'm sure my toddler thinks I'll get sucked into the toilet & be gone forever.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) August 19, 2016
Hey, it could happen.
28. Reading Is Fun, Trust Me
I like to set a good example for my children by occasionally pretending to read a book.— ÜRSÜLÄ(S) (@3sunzzz) August 14, 2016
29. Truly Chilling
The dishwasher's broken.— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) August 18, 2016
~A horror story
Straight out of my nightmares.
30. Wine Is Happiness
3yo: MY GRAPES FELL BEHIND THE COUCH!— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) August 17, 2016
Hubs: Well, I guess they'll turn to wine back there, then.
3yo: *nods* Ok. Mommy would like that.
She knows you too well.
31. Future Prodigy?
My daughter wants to be a piano-er when she grows up which is for the best because she'd probably make a pretty crappy English teacher.— The Unfit Father (@TheUnfitFather) August 19, 2016
I'm sure you're very confident in her abilities.
32. Silence Is Golden
5 yo informed me that he's not talking to me b/c I won't let him play on his tablet.— SammichesPsychMeds (@SamPsychMeds) August 15, 2016
*searches frantically for other things to take away*
Little does he know.
Spent 40 weeks picking out the perfect baby name and 4yo is crying because I won't call her Starlight Magenta.— Ashley Austrew (@ashleyaustrew) August 17, 2016
I don't blame her.
34. No No No
Nothing says "Delusional Parenting" like giving your kids Pixy Stix half an hour before bedtime.— Wendy S. (@maughammom) August 18, 2016
You must have some sort of death wish.
35. Mom Or Einstein?
Jesus turning water into wine, but it's me turning yogurt my son hates into yogurt he loves by hiding the label that identifies the flavor.— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) August 17, 2016
It'll be our little secret.