Since becoming a mom, I've learned not to take food so seriously. Sure, it's important to feed your kids healthy foods, but when you're the parent of a picky eater, more often than not, meal time automatically turns into survival mode. And since misery (or pickiness in this case) loves company, funny tweets about kids and food from parents who have been there probably won't convince your kids to eat their dinner, but they will definitely prove that you're not alone in the dinnertime struggle.
Before I had kids I had grand aspirations for myself as a mom. I pictured myself as a wise, nurturing mother who would only feed her always obedient children organic, free-range, gluten free, non-GMO meals. We would sit down to dinner and my kids would eat all of their food, responding with a polite "thank you for dinner, mommy" and then we'd go on our merry way.
Now that I'm the mother of a toddler and an almost-toddler, let's just say that my mindset has changed a bit since my pre-mom days. Most of the time, I'm lucky to get my daughter to finish an entire meal that doesn't completely consist of goldfish crackers and bananas.
If you too are the parent of a picky eater, or "child" as most people call them, these tweets will resonate with you. And if your child hasn't yet reached these lengths of opinionated-ness, may the odds be ever in your favor.
1. Selective Finders
You'll never chop them small enough.
2. Opposite Game
A word to the wise: choose your words very carefully.
4. The 75 Percent
On the plus side, the more kids you have, the percentage can only go up.
5. Lay Down The Law
Sometimes a mamas gotta do what she's gotta do.
6. Hidden Talents
At some point, every parent turns into a food magician.
7. Keep It Simple
At least he covered two basic food groups, right?
8. Waffles Versus Pancakes
There is apparently a very distinct difference.
9. Three Different Meals
Do we look like cook-to-order chefs?
10. No Bacon Please
Who doesn't like bacon though?
11. Noddles All Day
Especially when it's not payday yet.
12. Trial And Error
We always know how it will end up, but yet we persist in cooking new gourmet things that aren't mac and cheese.
13. A Wide Variety
But never veggies shaped like hotdogs.
14. When The Unthinkable Happens
When the stars align and all the kids like the same meal, all I can say is don't blink. Because it will never happen again.
15. Limited Menu
Since when did "mom" become synonymous with "sous chef"?
16. Secret Happy Meal
They'll never be able to tell the difference, right?
17. Four Course Meal
Except they'll only take two and a half bites of each.
18. Donuts Versus Prunes
If your kid falls on the "healthy picky" side, never complain.
19. Emotional Eating
It's natural to have very strong feelings about dinner, right?
20. More For Us
If half-eaten chicken nuggets and mac and cheese are your forte, you're in luck.
21. Infected Pizza
It's kind of the same thing.
23. Thinking Ahead
You might as well add master planner to your list of accomplishments too.
24. Hold The Salad
"I'll take a salad with no lettuce, veggies, or dressing, please mom".
25. Everything Is Candy
Everything turns into candy with a little bit of imagination.
The next time your kid takes their plate to that bathroom, you'll know why.
27. Dog/Toddler Food
Dog food is fair game. Salad is poison.
28. Constructive Criticism
You're actually insulting me out of love right?
29. Food Trolls
It's all just a game to them.
30. One Of Those Days
Wine pairs wells with chicken nuggets, just so you know.
31. Refined Tastes
Some kids err on the other side of picky.
33. A Battle Of Wits
It'll stop them in their tracks every time.
34. Child's Logic
Oh, ok. Since your back hurts.
35. Bread Is Bread
If it has the word "bread" in it, it's fair game.
36. A Downhill Battle
Why do they make those holes so small anyway?
37. Sacrificial Love
Which is every single time they eat.
38. An Equation For Failure
Picky eaters plus airplane food don't mix.
39. Mixed Messages
When it comes to cookies, what they don't know won't hurt them.