When I was growing up, someone circulated a rumor that life ends at conception. Yes, I typed that properly. It was a rapidly growing belief that from the moment you become pregnant, your life ends and everything becomes about your children. And to some extent, I'm just going to be honest: Yes, this happens. Having children changes your life. It bends you in ways you couldn’t previously imagine; it dramatically alters your priorities. However, your life doesn’t end when you get pregnant. It changes like a corn field at harvest, but it doesn’t end.
You know what else doesn’t end when you have kids? Your sex drive. Or, your sex life. While both are likely to — like every other part of your life — change after having kids, that doesn't necessarily mean the quality of either is diminished. While some women definitely do experience a drop in their sex drive, or a span of time when they are less able or less interested in making time to get busy, that's not always the case (and even when it is, it doesn't usually last forever).
For some women, their sexual cravings (and the frequency with which they feed those cravings) manage to emerge from the abyss of pregnancy and parenthood completely unscathed. In fact, for some women, sex manages to get a hell of a lot better after having kids. And I do mean, literally, orgasmically better. For so many more women than you might thing, the quality of sex after becoming a mom is like finally tasting chocolate ganache after thinking for years that fruit was the sweetest thing on earth. So if you’ve recently become conceptionized (yep, that’s my new word for impregnated) then fear not! Sex of the past will remain in the past, but sex of the future stands a better-than-reasonable chance of blowing your mind. Here's why:
You Are More Aware Of Your Body, And More In Control Of It
Having kids expands your knowledge of the human body. It just does. There's no getting through the process of having a baby without walking away with so much more awareness of your body and how it works. Some of the things you’ll discover will be slightly terrifying, but others will allow you to access parts of yourself that were previously foreign to you. You will learn how things feel in new ways and begin to grasp how impressive the human body is. After having a kid, you will discover precisely how strong a woman is and this knowledge will impact the intensity and unbridled passion that can take place. Furthermore, you'll know your body so much better that you can give it (and ask for) exactly what you want.
Having To Be Strategic About Your Timing Has Its Upside
Sex is a dish best served hot. When there’s factors that amp up the tension, things like trying not to wake the kids or having to sneak away when you desperately need some adult attention can rev up your sex drive like you wouldn’t believe. When you find yourself immersed in the sea of parenthood, finding time for sexual fantasies can become difficult. But like all good things that must be worked for, the eventual payoff is better than when sex is readily available. A little bit of sexting during bedtime or dinner can leave both partners begging for release by the time the kids are off the radar. Don’t be afraid to get your dirty mom on – you’ve earned it. Besides, the dishes totally have to soak before you guys can finish cleaning the kitchen.
Kegels, You Guys. That's All I'm Saying.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: kegels are a wondrous exercise of dark magic thrown to Earth by demons of hell for the purpose of wreaking sexual havoc on earth. Duh. OK, my obvious love of fantasy novels aside, they are the thing of legends and those who manage to master them possess power beyond what is known to man. I love doing them and I love their results. A woman who does kegels is a woman capable of inciting riots with her abilities. And a lot of moms do kegels. So…I'll let you do the math.
Restraint Is The Best Foreplay Ever
There is very little in life that's more exciting than expectation. There’s nothing quite as seductive as restraint. Whether it’s prolonging a sexual climax in the heat of the moment or restraining from that first, sensuous kiss, we adults love to wait with baited breath. Being a parent teaches a level of restraint (something our impulsive toddlers know nothing about but that's another story) that nothing else can match. And by demonstrating sexual restraint until the time is just right (aka, your kids are either asleep or out of the house), the payoff becomes all the more…umm…explosive. Basically, when you're a parent, every minute that you're wanting sex but are logistically unable to make it happen right that minute, is like Christmas Eve for your vagina. What could be better than that?
Images: Pexels; Giphy(4)