Raise your hand if you want to get married only to be perpetually unhappy or end up seeking a divorce? Of course not. It is a waste of time and energy. But, most people don't go into their marriages thinking that it is a temporary arrangement. You meet, fall in love, get engaged, eventually tie the knot, and maybe throw some kids into the mix. For the lucky ones, it works out and there's a lifetime of happiness. But, for others, the bickering and animosity begins, and eventually they engage in fights that show your marriage is over.
If only marriages were like fairy tales; one day you exchange vows and wedding bands, and the next you live happily ever after. But anyone who's been in a long-term relationship can tell you that this is not the case. Marriage takes work, patience, and compromise. Both parties need to be on the same page, willing to work through the rough parts and cherish the good times. If one of you stops trying, the relationship is in trouble. If both of your stop trying, there is little sense in staying together.
Here are some of the fights you may have in your marriage that may mean it's over.
1. The Fight About Infidelity
Cheating doesn't always have to lead to divorce. With time and counseling a couple who has dealt with infidelity, but is still truly in love, can manage to have a long and happy marriage. But, if the cheating spouse is not remorseful or continues to cheat, or the other spouse isn't willing to forgive, this will lead to the kind of fights that make it clear your marriage is over.
2. The Fight About Spending Time Together
If you are constantly fighting when you are together and only seem happy when you are apart, you have, what Woman's Day calls "uncoupled." It's OK to want to spend time apart every now and again, but you shouldn't be spending more time apart than together. If being apart is a relief, it might mean that it's time to go your separate ways.
3. The Fight About Addictions
One of the most difficult mountains to climb in a marriage is dealing with an addiction. Lisa Behar, a marriage and family therapist in California, explained to Cafe Mom that when the addiction becomes more of a priority that the spouse and the addict doesn't want to seek treatment, it may be time to call the relationship quits.
4. The Fight About Not Trying
One person should not be made to hold an entire relationship together. Carrie Cole, a couples' therapist and Master Certified Gottman Therapist by the Gottman Institute told Redbook that every time a partner stonewalls the other, or emotionally shuts down, it creates more distance and dishonesty, rather than openness, communication, and love. If one partner has checked out of the marriage and isn't willing to work at it, it's a sign that your marriage is over.
5. The Not Fighting
There may eventually come a time where you are no longer fighting, but you aren't talking, either. Often sex becomes nonexistent and you are more like roommates who really don't have anything in common. According to Woman's Day if you aren't talking to each other any more, but are beginning to confide in others, it could mean your marriage is done for.