Breakups suck, sure, but so does hanging on to a relationship that is clearly not working out. Mismatched relationships are so draining. But as the lies couples tell themselves when they know their relationship is doomed prove, people will go to great lengths to justify staying put. Often, though, it's best to see through these lies, accept reality, and move on already.
Once you're sure a relationship is doomed, and most people have a pretty clear sense of these things, then it's honestly so much better to just part ways. Remember, breaking up isn't a failure. It's an acknowledgement of reality. "If you find yourselves picturing a future that's quite different, sometimes breaking up can be a compassionate act that can save everyone some significant pain and resentment down the road," said dating expert Shannon Smith in Business Insider. There's no reason to drag out the relationship until you're both totally sick of one another.
So to make sure you aren't just prolonging the inevitable, check out these common lies couples use when the relationship is clearly not working out. Again, it's a hard truth to face. But for the most part, you'll be so much happier on your own or with someone who's a better match.
1. Well, I Can't Break Up Right Now.
It may feel cruel to break up near your partner's birthday, or Valentine's Day, or any other significant event. But the truth is, there's no ideal time for a breakup. Really, ending the relationship as soon as you know it's doomed is the kindest thing to do, according to Psychology Today. Otherwise you're just wasting everyone's time.
2. My Partner Will Def Change.
Waiting around for change, especially when it comes to major topics, is another time-waster. "Your partner's temperament is one thing you really can't change," said licensed psychologist and dating coach Samantha Rodman in HuffPost. You can't force someone to drastically alter their personality, so it may be time to just walk away.
3. It'll Improve After The Holidays.
Hanging on to a draining relationship just to get through the holiday season is all too common. "This time of year evokes such an emotional response in people, that they sometimes want to hide from the negative things going on in their lives and focus on the happy stuff," said therapist and sexologist Carlen Costa, PhD, in Refinery 29. "Instead of facing reality, it's easier to just go into Christmas dreamland and pretend everything is okay." Pretending you're in a perfect relationship just to get nosy family members off your back may seem like the easier choice, but it's just going to make January suck so much more.
4. Fighting All The Time Is Normal.
Disagreements are normal, sure, but endless bickering is no fun. "Arguing all the time doesn't necessarily mean your relationship has hit a dead end," said psychotherapist Annie Bennett in Net Doctor. "It depends on what you're arguing about and the nature of your fights." If you honestly can't stop arguing, then it's probably time to split.
5. I Won't Be Able To Find Another Partner.
Letting go of a longtime relationship can be scary, but it's important to have faith in your own strength. As long as you have realistic romantic beliefs and choose the next person carefully, then there's someone else out there for you, according to Psychology Today. Moving on is tough, sure, but you never know who you're going to meet next.