5 Reasons Having A Baby Is Basically The Greatest Sci-Fi Movie Of All Time

Ad failed to load

Here is something some people don’t really know about me: I’m kind of a sci-fi geek. Now I’m not going to claim to be the Grand High Poobah of the genre, but I’m not someone who claims to love sci-fi by saying, “Oh! I love Star Track! Captain Kurt and Dark Vader are totally cool! I’ve always wanted a lightsaver!” Let’s put it this way: Between the ages of 11 and 14, all of my birthday gifts were Star Wars-themed. Also, Wall-E is my personal hero and life coach. 

The beauty of science fiction is that when you get down to the bones of most works, they’re never really about space, or aliens, or dinosaurs reconstructed from fossilized mosquitoes and frog DNA. The fact that these stories take place in a dystopia is usually beside the point. That’s the window dressing; the fanciful devices that lure us in and trick us into thinking about our world and nature in a more nuanced way. Science-fiction is a reflection of our fears, hopes, shortcomings, or vanity. So by the transitive property (if a=b and b= c then a=c, which is literally one of two things I remember from math class), it stands to reason that real life will often remind us of science fiction. Never have I found this to be truer than when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth. Here’s why.

Ad failed to load

Your Unborn Child Looks Like An Alien For A Long-Ass Time

There are a lot of changes that take place over the course of your tiny invader’s stay in your uterus, and yet somehow, at times it seems like each development is creepier than the last. So it’s not even like your baby looks like one type of alien forever. Instead, your embryo, and later your fetus, will run the gamut from insect-looking aliens, to lizard-looking aliens, to Admiral Ackbar-looking aliens (aka, Mon Calamari), to the creepy big headed gray aliens that were, like, everywhere in ‘90s iconography (why were we all so into those aliens back then?), and a million other little nightmare creatures in between, until they emerge as the adorable squishy nightmare creature you love.

On the one hand, it’s a miracle of nature that humans can go from two cells to billions and start out basically looking like any other animal embryo (for real) to a person. On the other hand, it’s unsettling to think of your insides as the Mos Eisley Cantina scene in Star Wars.

I dare you to tell me that fetuses do not, at one point, look like these dudes. 

Prenatal And Birth Techniques And Technologies Are Right Out Of 'Star Trek'

It’s like, “Here, let me put this gel on your belly and then run my magic wand over it… aaaaaaaaaand now we know exactly what your baby will look like because we have this 4D ultrasound machine!” Or, “Oh, do you want to know if your baby will have a horrible disease? Let’s take out some of its DNA while it’s still inside of you and sequence its genes… because we can do that!” How effing crazy is that? And it’s insane to think about how new this technology is. I had a boss once who didn’t know she was having twins until she woke up from twilight sleep and the doctor was like, “Congratulations, it’s a girl… and a boy!” If you receive even a modicum of prenatal care these days, I feel like that could never happen. There are those that argue that all the bells and whistles of modern obstetrics aren’t really necessary and, largely speaking, no, some of them probably are not. But they’re incredibly useful tools (life-saving in many cases) and in and of themselves just so damn cool.

Watching Your Fetus Shift Inside Of You Will Never Look Normal

Ever. Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. You may eventually not be freaked out by it. You may dig it. But it’s never not going to be weird as hell.

Ad failed to load

No Matter How You Deliver, It Will Feel At Least A Little Like The "Chestburster" Scene From 'Alien'

In a good way, I promise! Kinda! OK, it’s pretty gross but still, it gets you a baby! Look, on top of being an absolutely fabulous movie, Alien is, in many ways, an extended pregnancy metaphor, so it’s no surprise that they captured a certain je ne sais quois of the whole delivery aspect of things. While you will (hopefully) not give birth to a carnivorous alien that runs around terrifying you in enclosed spaces (that comes later, probably around 2 years old… I kid, I kid. Somewhat.) you will find a bloody, angry looking little creature emerging from some orifice (either naturally occurring or surgically created). I don’t care how prepared for birth you are or how many times you’ve done it: Whenever it happens, it will fill you with awe and a degree of bewilderment. 

Children Are Basically Just Tiny, Rapidly Evolving Clones That Are Plotting Against You

Just think about it for a second: This living creature grows inside of us, busts its way out, continues to grow, and immediately starts learning our ways. Eventually, they take over our homes and then, together, the world. Babies in and of themselves are the ultimate space invaders.

Images: Twentieth Century Fox; Giphy(6)

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

8 Things That *Will* Go Wrong Every Time You Plan A Kid-Free Night

The last time my husband and I went out to dinner alone was… actually, I can’t remember. But I can count on one hand how many times I’ve seen a movie in a theater in the last year. Before we had children we used to go out all the time. But even with …
By Liza Wyles

These Photos Of North West Then & Now Will Take You On A Sweet Trip Down Memory Lane

When Kim Kardashian welcomed her first daughter, North West, with her husband, Kanye West, in 2013, her whole life was changed. The social media and reality TV star became a mom for the first time and her Instagram presence took a very adorable turn.…
By Casey Suglia

11 Photos You *Must* Take During The Last Days Of Your Pregnancy

During my first pregnancy, I took a photo each week to document my growing belly. I stopped around 36 weeks, though. I hated how I looked in those pictures, and didn't think I'd want to relive those moments. I was wrong. My second pregnancy was a dum…
By Steph Montgomery

This Is What It Means If Your Pregnancy Test Changes Overnight

The time between when a woman suspects she might be pregnant and when it is confirmed for sure is the longest of her life. Regardless of whether you are hoping for a positive or a negative result, the odds are good that you are sweating bullets when …
By Shannon Evans

6 Red Flags To Definitely Look Out For After Your Baby Falls

The first time my infant son tried to take a few steps, he tumbled and bumped his head on the coffee table. My blood turned to ice in my veins and I froze. There truly isn't anything quite like the feeling a parent gets when their little one gets hur…
By Sarah Bunton

These 9 Instant Pot Recipes Will Make Even The Pickiest Eater Happy At The Table

Like any parent, I've had my share of parenting hits and misses, but one of my favorite "wins" is my daughter's diverse palate. I don't even know if I can take credit for it, but I would like to think I had something to do with her love for lentils, …
By Caroline Shannon-Karasik

Turns Out, Kim Kardashian's Favorite Mom Products Look A Lot Like Your Own Faves

Being a mom is really hard work, especially for the first few months, and Kim Kardashian West is no different in that regard. Now the mother of three, Kardashian says that there are a few products she just can't live without when it comes to raising …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Soda Might Hurt Your Fertility, Study Says, & Here's What You Can Do

Who doesn't love sugary drinks? I stopped drinking soda years ago, but I still love gulping down those fancy Starbucks coffee beverages. I don't have a big sweet tooth, but I am a sucker for sugar-sweetened beverages every now-and-then. Turns out, th…
By Annamarya Scaccia

10 Things No One Tells You About Having A Baby In Your 30s

If you're like me, you evaluate the pros and cons of any major life decision. When my husband and I were considering starting a family, I thought about my career, education, and financial stability. I wanted to know how a pregnancy and childbirth wou…
By Steph Montgomery

This Woman Thought She Had An Eyelash Stuck In Her Eye. Then It Moved.

I'm not a person who is easily icked out. As a kid, I collected bugs and thought I was going to be an entomologist and asked Santa Claus for ant farms and nets to catch bees. I'm still super curious about anything that flies and crawls, which might s…
By Karen Fratti

5 Red Flags Your Toddler Isn't Eating Enough

Toddlers are notoriously picky eaters, at least in my experience. You offer mashed potatoes, they want french fries. You give them crackers, they scream for chips. It's frustrating, to be sure, but it's usually their way of vying for independence. It…
By Candace Ganger

11 Ways Your Pregnancy Will Be Different If You Have A Boy Vs A Girl

If you've been pregnant before, you might start comparing your previous pregnancies to that of your current pregnancy. A lot of things can change from pregnancy to pregnancy, based on a whole host of different factors (including how well you remember…
By Lauren Schumacker

35 Moms Share The Most Disgusting Things Their Husbands Do

I'm a human being who revels in challenges. I like when people present me with one, especially if they don't think I can meet or succeed it, and I like taking a challenge on, especially if it's unexpected. So when I aimed to uncover the most disgusti…
By Jamie Kenney

How Having Kids In Your 20s Affects You Later In Life

For parents, like myself, who had kids in their 20s, there are a number of questions that come to mind. When you're deciding what your future will look like, you'll likely consider what this means for your health, career, and more down the line. Thin…
By Tessa Shull

12 Moms Share How They Stay Healthy During Flu Season

Unfortunately, we're in the middle of the roughest flu seasons in recent memory. And we’re not totally out of the woods, either. People around the country are still getting the flu, and, sadly, some of them are having to be hospitalized due to flu-re…
By Priscilla Blossom

8 "Mistakes" I'm Glad I Made During My First Pregnancy

As an adult, I've learned you never really stop hating being told what to do. When I was pregnant I was getting instructions at every turn, from doctors, relatives, and complete strangers on the subway. I would nod and smile but then go about making …
By Liza Wyles

Study: Drinking Two Glasses Of Wine A Day Is Good For Your Mind — Here's Why

There’s more scientific proof that a daily drink or two isn't necessarily a bad thing and could have a place in an overall healthy lifestyle. A new study out of the University of Rochester Medical Center (URMC) in New York found that — in mice, at le…
By Tiffany Thomas

Research Says Eating Carbs Can Lead To A Healthy Pregnancy, So Bring On The Pasta

In the world of me, no food is better than bread. I know it's supposed to be pretty terrible for you, high in calories, low in protein, and full of that modern-day demon, gluten... but guys, it's really yummy. Especially warm out of the oven, when th…
By Jen McGuire

These Photos Of Prince George Then & Now Will Give You Serious Baby Fever

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their third child in Spring 2018. With all of the excitement surrounding the new baby, it's easy to forget all of the good times that have already passed. The couple's eldest is already well into the sc…
By Azure Hall

This Is, Hands Down, The *Grossest* Thing Babies Do Inside The Womb

Your baby's life in the womb may be safe and warm, but it's also kind of grody. Seriously, the whole process of growing into a human being includes more than a few icky moments along the way. But this is the grossest thing babies do inside the womb b…
By Lindsay E. Mack