Few terms can either chill a parent’s blood, invoke a cold sweat, evince a shudder, or encourage a wry chuckle (if enough time has passed) quite like “potty training.” For the very lucky, you only have to clean up a small pond’s worth of pee over the course of a few weeks, but for most people it a series of trials and tribulations that can take months or in some cases years, depending on the child. Like all aspects of child-rearing, there is no silver bullet approach that works for all kids. Play your cards wrong on this one and you may be one of the unfortunate few whose kid decides to spite-poop (That’s where, as you might have guessed, they poop their pants completely out of spite and in spite of their own comfort. It’s the ultimate “You’re not the boss of me.” BECAUSE KIDS ARE EFFING MONSTERS SOMETIMES, PEOPLE!)
While you do have to choose your approach carefully, I’ve included some sad (but sometimes successful) approaches below along with predicted success rates (as calculated by my highly scientific research of having potty trained one child).