Our bodies are incredible, and nothing makes that more obvious than childbirth. But for as incredible as our bodies are, the fact that they ask us to do even more work after we bring human beings into the world is, well, a little unfair. Not only do you have to get through the pain of pushing a baby through a small canal, but once you find relief from that pain the organ you grew has to come out, too. On the list of things every brand new mom thinks when she's delivering the afterbirth, I'd say, "You've got to be kidding me!" is near the damn top.
If I'm being honest, I must admit I don't remember how things went down with my first delivery. I was so exhausted from the pushing, while simultaneously re-energized from the adrenaline of holding my daughter in my arms, that it's all a blur. With my second child, however, I remember every single part of it. My son came out not breathing. I was faint and a good half of my face was covered with an oxygen mask, but I still found the strength to focus entirely on my boy. That is, until all that aforementioned weirdness started happening down below.
When the doctor pulled my son from me he was caught up in the umbilical cord and it snapped, creating quite an impressive (read: gory) scene. I hadn't thought about the placenta or where it was, or even that I still needed to push it out. I was barely coherent and, honestly, traumatized from the preceding events. But once the nurses refocused my attention, I was fully aware of this whole afterbirth situation.
While I know, and extremely grateful, that the placenta I grew helped my son grow and thrive in the womb, I must say I'm not a fan. Here are a few things I thought during the entire process (because, yes, this is your chance to tell me I'm not alone).