Carrie Bradshaw spent the entirety of Sex and the City trying to find the one man she could love and be loved by for a lifetime. Yet once she found and married Mr. Big, she stayed awake at night wondering if she was losing her edge, accepting mundanity in replacement of living? She wasn’t. She was instead trading in lesser relationships for a deep, adding love that had finally settled into a trusting marriage. That fear of what going the distance means can be troubling, but there are things you shouldn't fear in a long-term relationship.
After the initial rush of the first few months or the first year, your hormones and your life eases back into a less emotionally fueled pace. This doesn't mean that you aren't as in love anymore, or that you've given anything up. In fact, it's the opposite. You can still have the full and interesting life you had, but now you have a trusted partner to share it all with, someone who can expand your world as well by sharing their interests, friends, family and inner life.
Delve into the riches of a long-term romance and take a look at the five things you shouldn't fear in your long-term relationship.
1How You Look When You Look Like Sh*t
You don't have to walk around in your sweats with under-eye bags every day, but you definitely shouldn't fear showing your messy, unshowered side. Sharing a life with someone means that you compartmentalize less: open yourself to the vulnerability of looking like crap and being loved exactly the same.
A long-term relationship does not have to equal boredom. If you are bored but still in love, that usually means that you have stopped paying close attention to your significant other, or you have stopped pursuing the passions and interests that matter to you. Life is interesting when you are interested.
3A Dull Sex Life
I know from personal experience that long-term relationship does not equal boring sex life. Although pure physical chemistry and exploration is amazing, so is the emotional-sexual chemistry and exploration that comes later.
4Wasting Your Time
If you are happily settled into a long-term relationship you might start worrying about where it's going: totally normal. What you don't need to worry about is wasting your time. If you stay true to yourself, and are giving and receiving love, pleasure, and companionship, then your relationship is not a waste of time.
5Losing Your Friendships
It's possible to lose the closeness you have with your friends while you are in a long-term relationship, but it's definitely not inevitable. In the beginning, when you are swept away by new love, it's normal to recede from the outside world. Once you've settled in a little, it's important to make those phone calls, hang out on Friday nights, and let your friends know that you still love and value them. One of the hardest ways to learn that this is important is to have your relationship tank and find yourself without a close friend to lean on. It's not necessary to need someone before you value them; make a point to put the time in.