5 Tips To Getting Laid At Your Parents House Without Things Getting Weird
For some, this week marks the culmination of a year’s worth of good (or questionable) behavior. The holiday season will be in full swing, and with that means many people returning to their hometown, to their childhood homes, to their twin beds. And, for the horny folks among us, that raises the age-old question: how are you going to get laid while staying at your parents house?
There will be presents and smiling politely while answering annoying questions like, “Do you have a real job?” and “Have you found a life partner yet." And when you just can't take it anymore, you’ll make plans to meet your friends at the local watering hole to reminisce about all the times you spent together and your plans for next year. That is, until you catch the eye of the nearest hotty at the bar. Whether it’s your high school boyfriend, the kid you had a crush on but you thought was out of your league, or the one who got away, you’re going to need a plan. Because chances are high that you’re both sleeping in your childhood bedrooms tonight, and if that’s not super sexy, then I don’t know what is.
With a few mindful moves, you can absolutely get laid while staying at your parents house, and live to tell the tale. So to all my holiday hookup heathens, take note and learn how to prevent that awkward moment where your mother walks in on you tangled in the sheets with Benny from down the street.
1. Be Honest
Be honest with yourself and your partner. Because nothing's worse than going home with someone expecting an empty house, only to wake up to the whole family banging around the next morning. If you need them to check out of the Family Inn before dawn, put it on the table.
2. Keep It Quiet
This goes beyond creeping up the stairs int he dead of night. When it comes time to getting it on, take the precautions to keeping it quiet. This may mean avoiding the squeaky bed or clapping a hand over your mouth. But keeping the noise to a minimum can be a fun challenge. And who doesn't love a challenge?
3. Shake It Up
Try it someplace else than the bed. The shower has its merits — as long as you're not overly intoxicated — as the water can drown out a few sounds. Other places to consider: the basement (if it's not too creepy), a guest room (mom will never know), and the den (as long as that sofa's not too creaky.)
4. Don't Be Ashamed
Having sex at home is nothing to be embarrassed about. If you've got the sensibilities to safely get it on in your bed with the baby pink dust ruffle, then get it done! Plus, consistently apologizing for the fact that you're having sex at your parents place isn't very sexy. Confidence is key, even if you do have to set a few ground rules.
5. Prepare For Awkward Moments
You're in your childhood room, which probably has some really awesome stuff in it. Don't be surprised if your partner catches a glimpse of your Jem and the Holograms posters, or your framed middle school photographs. Embrace the questionable moments in your history, and get down with your bad self (and your hookup.)