When you fall in love — or even deeply in like or lust — it whitewashes the rest of the world. Everything feels blurry, the only thing in focus is the person you are becoming increasingly infatuated with. This time in a relationship is exciting so full of hope for the future that often you cannot or do not see what is right in front of you: real reasons your partner isn’t good enough for you.
So what does it mean for a partner to be “good enough”? Before you know the answer to that, you have to know yourself and love yourself. You cannot identify what is most important to you about another person until you know what matters most to you. What does love mean to you? Is love a drive, a decision, a hormonal response, a societal construct so we can raise children? Once you know yourself and what matters most to you in love, you can know if your partner is good enough for you.
Looking closely at your relationship can be hard, but the sooner you know something needs work (or ending), the better. Here are some signs that your partner just isn’t measuring up.
1There Is Abuse Of Any Kind
If your partner is verbally or emotionally abusive, it’s time for them to get therapy or get out. The Domestic Violence Intervention Program outlines various kinds of abuse on their website, as well as safe ways to leave an abusive relationships.
2There Is Serious Inequality
Abigail Burd, a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker tells Romper it's important to be treated like an equal. One way to do that is be looking at what she calls the Equality Wheel. "[It] is a great way to get an idea of what a good partnership should look like," she says. "If you try to shift towards equality, and your partner can’t make the shift with you, that’s a sign that they likely won’t ever be good enough for you. You deserve to be treated fairly.”
3Your Partner Isn’t A Nice Person
Everyone has bad days — even weeks — and most definitely, everyone has faults. But if your partner regularly is rude, crude or intolerant of others, you may want to back away and take a harder look. Maybe they just aren't a nice person.
4You Have Different Long-Term Goals
In order for a relationship to work for the long run, you and your partner need to be on the same page. That's not say you can't make compromises and have things work out, but if your SO is asking you to do all the changing then you should probably move on to the next one.
5They Say I Love You, But Don’t Show It
If your partner can tell you they love you, but doesn't make you feel loved through their actions, the words become meaningless. If your partner tells you they love you but never pick up extra work to ease your load, do something nice just because they thought of you, hold you when you cry, listen when you need friendship or do any of the million things possible to show love, they may not be good enough for you.