In successful relationships, there's often some fighting from time to time. Life can be stressful and difficult and you might not always be on the same page with your partner. With tensions running high, sometimes seemingly small disagreements can turn into bigger arguments. That's not always a bad thing, however, as long as it's handled appropriately. There are even some fights couples need to have to keep the romance alive to keep the romance alive, fights that help you hash out your differences on important topics and help you make sure that you both understand one another and are able to come to some sort of agreement or compromise moving forward.
"Fights between couples can be helpful and in fact happen in the best of marriages," Dr. Saudia L. Twine, Ph.D., NCC, LLPC, LLMFT, a marriage and family therapist, tells Romper in an email exchange. "The goal of a fight is to be able to recover from it, process what has happened, and make things better, thus proving the couple can overcome challenges and obstacles encountered in the marriage. Fights show there is still passion and investment in the marriage."
How you fight, however, can be just as important — if not more — than about what, exactly, it is that you're fighting.
"Hurtful arguing can have damaging affects whereas helpful arguing can have strengthening affects between the couple," Twine says. "Couples get into trouble thinking that their way is the right way and their partner is wrong. As a result they try to persuade their partner in seeing that their point of view is the only correct one. This style of fighting undermines your partner’s feelings and value. Whereas when couples employ understanding before problem solving then they evidence their concern for understanding their partner’s position."
Some topics are especially important to fully, openly, and honestly discuss. From how you feel in the relationship to your finances, sex life, and more, some arguments might just be necessary to have. If these arguments start to occur all the time, however, talking things out with a professional can also be a good idea.