Almost every hetero sex scene in the movies and on television depicts both partners climaxing (usually at the same time) in a basic missionary position. Women have been conditioned to believe that all it takes to orgasm is to lie on your back and let your partner do their thing — no intervention required. It's no surprise then that many women who can't, or don't, orgasm that way thing there's something wrong with them. Don't believe it. Sex isn't what you see on TV, and there are so many reasons not to be embarrassed about not being able to orgasm.
Every woman, at one time or another, has had difficulty reaching orgasm. Most of the time, they're simply inexperienced and assume that if it is going to happen, it will. But if you have tried different methods and orgasms still escapes you, you could have a condition known as anorgasmia. Anorgasmia can be caused by several factors, so treatment is on a case-by-case basis. Research has shown, however, that many women diagnosed with anorgasmia go on to have successful sex lives after treatment.
But a medical condition isn't the only reason you shouldn't be embarrassed about not reaching the Big O. Whether you have years of experieince between the sheets or are still a sex novice, there many reason you should not be embarrassed about not being able to orgasm. And here are just a small sampling of them.
1. You Aren't The Only One
Shape reported that 10 to 15 percent of women are unable to reach orgasm, while Woman's Day recently reported that up to 30 percent of women have trouble reaching orgasm. So no matter which statistic you chose to believe, know that there are many others like you.
2. Your Embarrassment Could Be Make It Harder To Orgasm
Embarrassment, poor body image, guilt about enjoying sex, cultural and religious beliefs, or a combination of several of those factors could be the underlying cause of your anorgasmia. Healthline recommends that you visit a doctor who can diagnose anorgasmia and provide a treatment plan which, according to the Mayo Clinic, can include cognitive behavioral therapy to attempt to change the negative thoughts you may have about sex.
3. You May Have A Selfish Partner
You could be mistaking someone else's dysfunction for your own. According to Psychology Today, it can take up to 45 minutes for a woman to achieve orgasm. Your inability to orgasm may be related to a partner who does not have the stamina or is not willing to focus on your needs. Talk to your partner about what feels good and what they can do to help you climax.
4. You May Just Need To Get To Know Your Body
Many women have been discouraged or forbidden from exploring their bodies by their parents and/or their cultural or religious beliefs. Sex educator and relationship therapist Laura Berman told Everyday Health that women should, "find a place and time when you can be alone and are truly able to enjoy and explore yourself, such as in the bathtub or in your bedroom when everyone’s at work or school, or after the kids are asleep."
5. You Don't Have To Climax to Enjoy Sex
It is possible to have a satisfying sex life without orgasm. As social psychologist, Petra Boynton, wrote in The Telegraph that, "your choice is to enjoy pleasure in other diverse ways rather than putting yourself under pressure to achieve orgasm." Sex can be about getting closer to your partner and expressing your love and not about the few seconds of climax.
6. You Won't Be Judged By Someone Who Loves You
Even if you aren't ever able to reach orgasm you should not be embarrassed. Embarrassment means that you are ashamed, and a condition beyond your control is nothing to be ashamed about. A loving partner will never judge you for not being able to orgasm.