Claire Joines/Romper
6 Reasons Why Having Sex With A Scorpio Is Pretty Much The Best Thing You Could Do

by M. Esther Sherman

There are a lot of ways to define yourself and each of us don at least a few titles every day. For example: I am a mom, a student, a Slytherin, extremely tired, and I am most definitely a Scorpio. While my sign isn’t usually the thing at the top of my resume (JK, it seriously tells you everything you could ever need to know about me), it is a large part of my identity, and those who know me best know it suits me well. So, what's different about sex with a Scorpio?

Scorpios are known for being, well, a bit extreme. We are loyal in the extreme, passionate in the extreme, independent in the extreme, and literally everything else about us tends to fall on the extreme end of the spectrum: I will be top of the class or I will fail, but you’re never going to find me in the middle; I will be early for our date or I’ll show up as you’re getting the check; I will go to class or I will hop on a plane to Europe... I think you can understand where I’m going with this.

There are quite a few negative things about Scorpios. I’m told we can be a bit nuts, a little overwhelming, and there’s some rumor that those who wrong us fall prey to some pretty wrathful vengeance...but it’s only a rumor (a totally true one). There are also some absolutely badass things about Scorpios and one of those things — the thing at the top of my very extensive list — is that Scorpios are better in bed. Here's why:

We Are Passionate

Having sex with a Scorpio is a lot like lighting your apartment on fire and seeing how long you can survive amidst the all-consuming flames. We won’t necessarily destroy your entire life (see: revenge rumor) but we will help you break a few beds and at least one coffee table.

We Are Intense

I really hope your neighbors have ear plugs because when a Scorpio decides to scream, there is absolutely nothing in the world to stop them. If we want harder, we will have harder. If we want louder, we are damn sure going to make that happen.

We Are (A Little) Insane

A little crazy never hurt anybody (well, not that badly anyway). When it comes to crazy, having a touch of unpredictability can liven up the sex life and keep your partner guessing. If you get into bed with a Scorpio, you’re never going to know what will happen next.

We Are Independent

So we might not lay in bed after the act of awesome and discuss our plans for the future or when we get to meet your parents (but also, we might; we're independent, not allergic to intimacy), but we will definitely show you some of the things we’ve learned on our adventures. This will probably include the words “Kama Sutra” and “Wrestling Mat.” Come prepared, please.

We Are Dynamic

There is very little a Scorpio can’t or won’t take on. It’s important for you to be aware that if you suggest a sexual fantasy that seems impossible, we will probably find a way to make that dream come true. (Please don’t search my criminal record. I'm a law student and I really want to pass the Bar someday.)

We Are Extreme

People often throw this at us in a negative way, but it is the most positive thing there is. We enjoy ourselves to the extreme and we are never afraid to love to the extreme. When flesh intertwines, we are entirely present. You will never wonder if you have our attention, never question our loyalty, and never need to second guess the way we feel about you. Even if our whole relationship with you is based on sex, we’re going to be honest about it. And when it's not just about sex, we love and devote ourselves just as intensely to every other kind of relationship, and every other aspect of those relationships. All around, when you get into bed with a Scorpio, you’re going to be the one coming out on top. (That’s right. I went there.)