Kids like to push buttons, test boundaries, and explore the limits around them until it can be more than you think you can take. As a result, parents have the unique and, at times, difficult job of keeping their cool during the moments when their children bother them to no end. But sometimes, it gets to even the calmest parent. Everyone get angry, but is there a limit? If you struggle to keep it cool, paying attention to some of the red flags that your mom anger is something more serious can help you both identify what sets you off and learn the tools to help you stay calm.
According to Aha Parenting, a parent's anger affects their child more than they know. The article noted that children form barriers to protect themselves from anger and, if they've seen enough of it, they might seem indifferent to your shouts or melt-downs. These calloused feelings, however, can have long lasting consequences on both yourself and your growing child.
Luckily, "mom anger" isn't an irreversible habit and it doesn't make you a bad mom. Losing your temper is a normal reaction that almost every mom deals with. But knowing the symptoms of an anger problem is, of course, the first step to gaining more patience and seeing things from the perspective of your child.
1. You Have A Very Short Fuse
One of the first symptoms of your mom anger being more severe than a "normal" loss of patience is that you tend to lose said patience much quicker than you should. According to an article from Babble, if you find that you lose your temper over relatively minor offenses, then it may be a sign of a more serious anger problem.
2. You're "Set Off" By Small Things
Along the lines of having a short fuse, the things that set you off probably aren't the end of the world. One article from the Dr. Sears website noted that parents often lose perspective of their children's misbehavior, overreacting to things that aren't really a big deal.
If there are small things your child does that drives you crazy, the article suggested differentiating between those harmless, yet annoying behaviors and the ones that are disrespectful or harmful to themselves or others. Noting the difference, can help you learn more appropriate ways of responding to behavior that might not deserve a loss of patience.
3. Your Anger Makes You Respond Irrationally
Anger is a visceral feeling that can cause people to act irrationally. According to an article from Psychology Today, stress and other external factors like lack of sleep, poor nutrition, or substance use can heighten the response to an otherwise normal scenario. If you find yourself lashing out irrationally on a regular basis, consider how these things may be affecting you and make it a goal to prioritize your own health as well as your child's.
4. You Often Feel Tense And Irritable
Outbursts of anger likely won't be completely random. According to an article from HuffPost, most people who struggle with anger issues feel tense and irritable most of the time, not just during a temper tantrum from their toddler. In fact, according to Health, anger and depression are closely linked, so chances are if you struggle with one, you might struggle with the other as well.
5. Your Anger Has Affected Other Relationships
It's also likely that your anger has affected more than just your relationship with your child. You might have heard from others that you have a temper, or maybe it's affected your relationship with your partner or your extended family, the aforementioned HuffPost piece noted.
6. You're Anger Is Fueled By Issues From Your Childhood
A parent's childhood is deeply intwined with the way they parent their own children, the aforementioned piece from Aha Parenting explained. Whether you dealt with angry parents yourself, or have unresolved issues from your childhood that you haven't dealt with, it could be creeping its way into your own parenting methods whether you notice it or not.