Whether you have a great relationship with your mom or things are a bit more strained, she probably continues to occasionally loom large in your adult life. But though her meddling, thoughtfulness, and the like can sometimes work to your favor (and, as she says, comes from a place of love), your relationship does have to change a bit as you grow older. Some of the things that she may have previously done on your behalf she just really shouldn't be doing anymore — and some she shouldn't have ever done. The creepy things your mother should never do aren't all age-dependent, but they're things that, regardless of if she ever did them with your blessing, need to stop ASAP.
As a fully-grown adult human, there are plenty of things that you're more than capable of doing on your own that your mother shouldn't feel the need to do for you. Additionally, there are things that just aren't OK for moms to do to their adult kids. There still need to be boundaries in your relationship, even though they might be a bit different than they were when you were growing up. Relationships change over time and so too should the things that you do for one another (as well as the things to which you subject each other).
1. Compete With You
It's not OK for your mom to try to compete with you, regardless of how old you are when it's happening. Your mom should be able to be happy and proud of your accomplishments without feeling the need to try to compete or outdo you. "In a healthy parent-child relationship, the parent should never see their child as competition," Emily Mendez, MS, EdS, a mental health writer and expert, tells Romper by email. "When a parent is threatened by their child’s achievements, it is a sign of a toxic parental relationship."
2. Using You To Fill A Void In Their Romantic Life
If your mom is going through ups and downs in her romantic life, that can be really hard on her, but she still shouldn't use you to try to fill that void. And if your parents' relationship or her relationships with others are in flux, it can be easy for her to focus her attention on you instead. "I think moms do it more than they realize especially when their children are young," Raysha Clark, a licensed therapist, tells Romper by email.
3. Interfere With Your Professional Life
If your mom was heavily involved in your schoolwork and education, regularly chatting with your teachers, helping you with big projects, getting to know all of your friends, and the like, she might feel as though she needs to do the same when it comes to your professional life, but that's really not acceptable.
In an interview with Bustle, Shannon Thomas, LCSW, said that your mom might attempt to reach out to coworkers or your boss because that's what they would've done when you were a teenager. Your friends, teachers, and coaches all might have known her just as they knew you, so she's operating in the same way now.
4. Make You Choose Between Them & Their Partner
If your mom and her partner are fighting, or even if they choose to split, your mom shouldn't feel that it's OK to make you choose between them. In the previously-mentioned article from Bustle, Nicole Zangara, LCSW said that it can sometimes make you feel differently about your other parent or their partner. It's not fair to you that she's forcing you to choose sides or trying to pit you and her partner against each other.
5. Interfere With Your Relationship
It might be important to you that your partner and parents get along really well, but your parents aren't always necessarily going to love every single person you date. Still, it's not OK for your mom to try to interfere. As Working Mother noted, your mom inserting herself in your relationship isn't typically going to end well. If she tries to interfere, set clearer boundaries.
6. Go Into Detail About Her Romantic Relationship
You might be thrilled that your mom is in a great, stable, healthy relationship, but that still doesn't mean that you want to hear all the details about it. She can talk to you about things without sharing too much. As theWashington Post noted, oversharing with your kids when they're little can have long-term consequences on their well-being. And even if you're an adult when she does this, it might not be something that you feel comfortable discussing, particularly if your relationship with your other parent is strong — you might feel conflicted.
7. Monitor Your Financial Situation
Your mom might have been in charge of your money when you were growing up and she may have even helped you out here and there in high school, college, or even right after you graduated, but once you're out on your own, grown, and more established in your job and life, she shouldn't be controlling or monitoring your finances anymore.
In a piece that she wrote for Psychology Today, Dena Kouremetis, a writer, noted that co-dependency, when it comes to finances, relationships, or making decisions for your child, is related to narcissism and addiction. Recognizing that you can make your own decisions, financial or otherwise, is important.
There are a number of things that moms can sometimes do, either intentionally or without even meaning it, that border on creepy or unacceptable. And though it can be difficult, as you grow up and your relationship shifts, the boundaries you set with her might need to shift as well.