There are moments when sex is nothing short of awkward, even if you've been with your partner for a significant amount of time. If you're pregnant, well, those moments occur pretty regularly. Some of the most embarrassing moments I've experienced during sex occurred when I had a bun in the oven. Physical changes your body is experiencing (like massive weight gain) and hormonal fluctuations (why are you looking at me that way, partner of mine?) will probably have you sweating through your sheets during sex, even when five fans are pointed directly at you. Sexy, right?
Every woman's body takes to pregnancy differently. In fact, the same woman's body can take to each pregnancy she may or may not experience, differently. Such was the case with me. During my first pregnancy, my hormones dipped dramatically. I was extremely depressed, had little-to-no sex drive, gained a significant amount of weight, and my morning sickness was off-the-charts awful. During my second pregnancy, my hormones spiked, I had more energy, my sex drive was at an all-time high, and I experienced hardly any morning sickness at all. The difference between the two (for me) was gender. I had a girl the first time and a boy the second — hence the major differences in hormones and sex drive. The more you know, right?
While I'm well aware that not everyone feels the same, I much preferred nine months of higher sex drive. However, those months provided me with more than a few cringe-worthy moments because, well, pregnancy sex can (read: is) awkward. On that note, here are a few embarrassing moments you might experience during pregnancy sex. May the force be with you.
When Your Boobs Hurt Too Much To Be Touched
Your hormones tell you it's time to get it on while your body is literally saying, "Back the you-know-what off of me." I know, it's confusing. Welcome to pregnancy (and motherhood).
Luckily, I have a supportive partner who had no qualms with keeping his hands either to himself or where I told him they should go.
When There's Significant Discharge
Oops! I'm sorry but I have zero control over what comes out of my body during pregnancy, and especially during pregnancy sex. I wish I did and I'm sorry to put you in this specific (and kinda gross, if we're being honest) situation.
If you're cringing over bodily functions I'm not in charge of, just think about how I feel. Also, keep your eyes up here, thanks. And again, don't touch anything.
When Your Go-To Positions No Longer Work
When you're pregnant, your body isn't entirely yours. During both of my pregnancies, I gained a lot of weight and felt horrible about myself. My thighs expanded to accommodate my huge belly and all those changes made my go-to sex positions uncomfortable.
There were times when I'd have to roll over or awkwardly plop into whatever formation my body could go to make magic happen. Was it pretty? Hell no, and I only hope my partner has forgotten some of what he saw (even though I haven't).
When You Have An, Um, Accident
Childbirth isn't the only time you'll endure lack of control over your own body. What you may think to be slight discharge could actually be urine.
Yes. I said it. You might pee on your partner. Ladies, there's no graceful recovery from this one so just blame it on the baby while you still can.
When Gas Is Abundant
If you're more demure, like me, you've tried to hide your pregnancy gas or hold it inside. However, when you're pregnant, keeping gas inside your body is out of the damn question. It's physically impossible and if you could do it, I'm positive you'd explode or something.
Of course, the only time your pregnancy farts are really foul is during sex. Ugh.
When You Haven't Groomed In A While
Fact: grooming and tying shoes are two of the hardest things to do during pregnancy. I wasn't the best at keeping things tidy during both of my pregnancies (without help) because I couldn't see past my belly. There was one time I tried to take care of things before getting intimate.
I couldn't see my "handy work," so imagine my embarrassment when my partner pointed out my hack job. Oh, and I'd been to the OB-GYN that very same day for a full check-up, so two nurses and my doctor saw my "handy work," too. Not one of my finer moments.
When The Baby Starts Moving
Nothing kills the mood faster (other than pee or gas) than an excited baby. While not necessarily embarrassing, it can knock you off your game when you're in "the zone" and the kicking doesn't stop. This is usually when my partner and I would shift positions, I'd get a cramp and fall over, and we'd just call it a day. It's a good thing pregnancy is "only" nine months, right?
Listen, pregnancy comes with its own set of rules and limits — especially when it comes to sex. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't try (if and when you want to, of course). When it comes down to it, who cares if you're body conscious or have less-than-normal experiences for a few months? It's temporary. If you're embarrassed over something in the bedroom, at least you're connecting with your partner (even if it costs you your dignity).