Babies are disgusting. Sure, they're adorable and snuggly and their heads smell fantastic, but ultimately they're just gross. Both my kids have always managed to do something repulsive when they're in the most immobile position or situation, too. For example, the crib, changing table, in a stroller, and in my arms? Well that's when vomit, pee, or poop usually happens. Then, of course, there's the car seat. In fact, there's some gross things all babies do in their car seat that may require their parents to take a break in the form of recovery time because, well, gross.
My kids have done it all. When my oldest was a baby, she was fantastic at holding her overwhelmingly full diapers until we were driving in the middle of nowhere. Every trip we ever took in the car almost always required pulling over, creating a makeshift changing table, and throwing away whatever she was wearing. My youngest has always been the type to hide weird things — either inside his diaper or articles of clothing — only to pull them out when he's sitting in his car seat.
So if you're pregnant and/or simply preparing to be a parent, I have two words for you: be prepared. Whatever gross thing you can think of happening in a car seat (or in general) is absolutely going to happen. So with that in mind, here are some of the disgusting situations all babies manage to do at literally the worst time imaginable:
Have A Surprise Diaper Blowout
I don't know why babies wait until you're driving and incapable of doing a one-handed diaper change, but it must be fun for them to see the look on your face when they poop all over the damn place.
My favorite was when one of my children would have things seeping from all sides and I could see it happening from the rearview mirror, but couldn't do anything about it until I could stop. No, really. So fun you guys.
Spit-Up All Stealth Like
It's almost as if babies hold spit-up in both cheek pockets so they can get it out the moment the car is in motion. Perhaps this is some sort of baby game only babies know about? I mean, I've never met a baby who didn't do this. And the crazy part is, they usually can spit-up so secret like, that you really only notice it has happened when you're trying to get them out of the damn car.
Hide Food In Fun Places
When my son was old enough to move around a bit more in his car seat, he located every possible crevice so he could stuff whatever cereal puff of teething biscuit he had,into them. Of course I never located them until they has sufficiently molded, because duh.
Sneeze All Over The Window
I can always hear the build up, but it's nothing compared to seeing the boogers all over the window when all is said and done. My son is notorious for his earthquake sneezes that spray everything all over everywhere. We all sneeze, but babies have the cutest-sounding-most-disgusting sneezes ever. That's a fact.
Play With Their Snot
Then, just because he could, my son would curiously find his fingers smearing the snot all over the window, all over himself, and all over the car seat. Wonderful.
Gas Out The Whole Car
Babies are gassy because, well, their little stomachs have a lot going on. I get it — honestly, I do. But my babies (both of them, by the way) have always been the gassiest of any child I've ever known. As babies they'd inevitably stink up every car ride we ever went on. They couldn't help it, to be sure, but I had to drive with the windows down more often than what I would consider "normal."
When babies are teething their slobber ends up everywhere. I could say I got used to it, or that it didn't bother me, but I'd be lying. The slobber is never not disgusting — especially when I'd go to pull my baby from their car seat to find them covered in it. Then, when I held them close to me to exit the car, I was covered in it, too.
These things babies do are pretty gross, but I've learned through the years the grossness doesn't go away, it just changes in severity and variety. Where there are no more diaper blowouts, there's now a clogged toilet. Where there isn't slobber or spit-up, there's the vomiting all over themselves in the night (and not telling us until morning). Basically, kids don't get any less disgusting, so it's best to just lean into it, my friends.