Couples' sex habits tend to ebb and flow based on a number of factors. Some couples have more sex earlier on in their relationship, while others stay fairly consistent over time when it comes to frequency. Some couples go through periods of lots of sex, followed by periods of next to none because the kids are in your bed every night, you're working long hours, or you're too busy cleaning to get down and dirty. If you aren't satisfied with your sex life and want to maybe make some changes, you might want to implement some of the habits of couples who have a lot of sex.
You might think that there's just something about them as a couple that make their great sex life out of reach for you and your partner, but that might not be the whole story. There are little things that you and your partner can incorporate into your life that will lead to more frequent sex, particularly if you stick with them long enough to solidify them as habits. From making sex a priority to keeping things light, playful, and flirty, here's what couples who have a lot of sex (and good sex at that) do that you and your partner should consider.
1. They Solidify Their Emotional Connection
It may (or may not) be surprising to hear, but couples who have a lot of sex have a very strong non-sexual relationship. "If your relationship is in a good place emotionally, it's natural that you're going to want to express your feelings physically," Rori Sassoon, relationship expert and founding partner of Platinum Poire, tells Romper in an e-mail. "When you consistently spend one-on-one time together and make each other a priority you’re fusing your intimate bond." Making time to be together outside of the bedroom can ultimately help boost time spent inside of the bedroom.
2. They're Egalitarian When It Comes To Pleasure
Couples who have a lot of sex make sure that they're both being satisfied by their interactions. "They make sure that more times than not, both of their sexual needs are met," Kristie Overstreet, clinical sexologist and psychotherapist , tells Romper by email. "For example, they may only have time for a quickie, and one person is able to reach orgasm, so the next time they make sure the other person receives as well. It doesn’t have to be equal give and receive every time, but it is the majority of time."
3. They Talk About Sex
Maybe it sounds like an obvious assertion, but many couples who have a lot of sex don't shy away from talking about sex and intimacy. As Overstreet says, they're able to have an honest discussion free from judgment or ridicule.
4. They Take Advantage of Imperfect Moments
As you move through life, you've probably begun to realize that the so-called perfect opportunities for sex become increasingly infrequent. Couples who have a lot of sex don't let this get in their way. In an email exchange with Romper, certified sex therapist and marriage and family counselor Holly Richmond writes that, "couples who have a lot of sex take advantage of less than perfect moments." Just because the moment doesn't appear to be perfect doesn't mean it won't do.
5. They Both Initiate Sex
If the task of initiating sex is left to one person, that might limit the frequency by which you and your partner are intimate. "Many couples stop having sex because the onus of sexual initiation falls primarily (or exclusively) upon one partner," Dr. Jess O'Reilly, Astroglide's resident sexologist, tells Romper by email. "In many cases, this partner becomes frustrated (they’re inevitably the only one facing rejection) and resentful and may eventually stop trying." Couples that have a lot of sex do so in part because they're both sharing the responsibility of getting things going.
6. They Plan Ahead
Many couples who have a lot of sex do so because they make sex a priority and plan ahead to ensure that there will be plenty of moments for intimacy. "Couples who have sex often are intentional with planning sex when they have to," Christene Lozano, a licensed marriage and family therapist, stells Romper in an e-mail. "With work, kids, and busy schedules, spontaneous sex is not often an option. Sex will take some planning, and that's OK." Just because you've planned ahead to make time for sex doesn't mean it has to become just another chore on your To Do list.
7. They Try New Things
According to the experts, couples with a very active sex life try a lot of different things. Lozano says trying different positions, toys, and role play all count. No need to do anything you're not comfortable with, but trying something new can help keep sex fresh and exciting.