Think of how much easier our lives would be if we actually had all those mom super powers our kids think we have. We could simply wave our hands around in the air and say goodbye to lame chores like folding laundry or cleaning up the kitchen; or we could just crack open our spell book and read aloud to coax our kids into getting into bed without throwing a total meltdown, or to just quit their whining in general. Ahh, what a life it could be. A mom can dream, am I right?
Alas, we have precisely zero spells or incantations at our disposal, so we must continue to rely on good ol' fashioned parenting for both ours and our kids' daily needs. And although there's no magic wand that will make a pile of towels instantly fold themselves (Unless you know something I don't know? Call me if so.), it's kind of adorable when our kids get bewildered and think that's the case, is it not? In honor of our little one's cute confusion, we partnered with Red Baron Pizza to go in-depth about a few of the enchanted powers your kids definitely think you have — including your ability to slay any tantrum that motherhood throws your way. Laugh your ass off at the too-real moments below, then click over to the app store to download the Red Baron Baroness Patches sticker pack to share with with your mom squad during motherhood's most chaotic moments.
The Power Of Invisibility
How is it that you seem to know what’s about to happen every time your kid is about to try painting the living room walls or climbing to the top of the bookshelf? You secretly know you're just skilled in the art of keeping one eye open, but your kid is pretty sure you’re making yourself invisible and spying on them at all times.
The Power To Find All Lost Items
Whether you're on the prowl as your family's designated blanky tracker, or locating a missing shoe (it’s always a shoe), your kid is completely confident that you'll always be able to find whatever it is they've lost. (Maybe that’s why he’s not too concerned with keeping track of his stuff in the first place?) Sadly, this power does not exist, because if it did you would totally use it to find all the socks that mysteriously vanish every time you do laundry.
The Power To Banish Monsters
Sometimes they’re hiding in the closet, other times they’re under the bed, but every time those imaginary bad guys show up in your kid’s room, all it takes is a few magic words from the local monster hunter (um, that's you) to make your kids think there's nothing to worry about.
The Power To Make Their Favorite Pizza Appear In Minutes
Did you ever notice how kids don’t warn you when they’re starting to feel like they could use something to eat? They’re just suddenly starving (as if you didn’t just feed them an hour ago). Thankfully, you've always got their favorite foods on hand in the house, which obviously leads your lil' crew to believe that you're a full-on freezer wizard.
The Power To Make Boo-Boos Go Away With A Kiss
From scraped knees to splinters, the only cure your kids need is a kiss from you — and maybe a cool bandage with cartoon characters on it. Too bad you can’t figure out a way to miraculously heal injuries and illnesses that usually require a trip to the pediatrician, like sprained ankles and strep throat.
The Power To Be In Two Places At Once
This particular brand of sorcery is indispensable for moms with more than one kid, as children have a way of expecting your full attention at all times no matter how many of them need things from you at once. Why shouldn’t you be able to braid your daughter’s hair in the bedroom while cutting the crusts off your son’s PB&J in the kitchen? You are magic, after all.
The Power To Stop Time
If you’ve ever wondered why your kid can’t seem to tell the difference between “five more minutes” and “the entire rest of the day” when it’s time to leave the playground, it’s probably because he believes you have some kind of app on your phone that freezes time in its tracks at the tap of a screen. Hey, whatever works.
This post is sponsored by Red Baron Pizza.