Sex is an important part of most relationships, but it’s not the end all and be all of them. Sex ebbs and flows over the course of a long-term partnership. Sometimes you’re having lots of it and other times you’re not. And once kids enter the picture, it can be difficult to find time for sex or even the desire to do it. But there are plenty of non-sexual ways to show your spouse that you’re into them.
When life gets busy, sex often takes a backseat. And if you’re a couple who used sex as your primary way of feeling connected and intimate, the lack of it can take a toll on a relationship. But sex isn’t the only way to let your partner know that you think they’re all that (and a bag of chips.) Flirting can happen outside the bedroom and doesn’t take a lot of effort. It’s easy to do in front of the kids or while you’re apart during the day, and the increase in nonsexual intimacy may actually lead to more physical intimacy in the long run.
Alternatively, some people find that their sex drive changes after they have kids. In the early years of a family, one partner’s desire for sex might wane. When that happens, it can be helpful to find ways to let your spouse know that you haven’t lost interest in them, even if you’re not up for sex at the moment. Here are nine ways to do just that.
1. Send Them A “Thinking Of You Text”
Sometime during the work day, send a little note to let them know they’re on your mind. It’s nice to know that someone is thinking about you, and this keeps you connected and cute even though you may be physically distant.
2. Buy Them A Gift
My husband hates shopping. He buys clothes maybe once every few years, mostly when there are holes in them and they are no longer wearable. Going to buy new clothing makes him really anxious. So every now and then, when I’m out, I’ll pick up a shirt or two for him. It makes him so happy, and I happen to love shopping. It doesn’t have to be an expensive gift, but just a little something to let them know you care can go a long way.
3. Plan Something Surprising
Whisk your partner away on a surprising adventure. Even if you’re just taking them to see a movie, plan a day for the two of you to go do something together. Find a sitter and leave for the day, giving you two some much-needed adult time. Plus, who doesn’t love surprises?
4. Dance With Them
You don’t have to actually be any good at dancing to swing your partner around the kitchen while you cook dinner or to boogie to some guilty pleasure music after the kids go to sleep. Dancing is a great way to let loose together. If you’re really fancy, you might even consider taking classes together, but getting down around the house works just as well.
5. Give Them A Compliment
Complimenting your partner is probably the simplest way to show you’re into them. Tell them how great they look in the outfit they have on, let them know you like how they smell, or offer up something nice about that hideous sweater they love so much. Compliments make them feel good, especially coming from the person they love.
6. Write Them A Love Letter
Take a few minutes to sit down and write your partner a letter detailing how much you love them, and why they’re so awesome. Email totally works, but a personalized, handwritten letter is even nicer. Maybe it’s a list of all the reasons you love them, or a wordy and romantic letter reminiscent of older times. Either way, a note is a token of your appreciation that can go a long way.
7. Make Their Coffee In The Morning
Were you both up late with cranky kids who didn’t want to go to bed? Do they have to be at work early in the morning? Why not get up a little early and make coffee for both of you so they have a nice, warm mug of caffeination to wake up to? I know I’d love you for that.