There are only a few times in your life when you're in the position to make a decision that could have a huge impact on another person's life. If I were to pick a top three, they'd be saying yes or no to a marriage proposal, un-friending someone on Facebook, and choosing a name that will follow your child around for the rest of their life — or at least until they're 18-years-old and can get it changed at the courthouse. With such power and responsibility, you should consider that there are people in your life you shouldn't name your baby after.
The harsh reality is that most people won't even tell you you're heading down a precarious path in your baby naming process until it's far too late, like at your kid's college graduation or wedding. Sure, everyone has a million opinions on what moniker you should bestow upon your mini munchkin. Yet folks get suspiciously silent when you say you're considering "Aspartame" as a name since your baby is just too sweet.
If you don't want to give your frenemy any opportunity to fan the flames of their passive-aggressive fire, then check out some of the people in your life you shouldn't name your baby after.
1. Your Ex
This should be common sense, but I kid you not I know someone who did this. Baby names are a lot like tattoos, in that you should never use an ex's name as inspiration.
2. Someone Else's Dibs
If your sister got pregnant and announced she's going to name her child after your late grandmother, don't swoop in and steal it.
3. Your Boss
Even if you think your boss is the Leslie Knope to your April Ludgate, you should probably steer clear of naming your child after them. Plus, office parties could get really confusing and awkward.
4. Your Mailman
You know that old bit where someone questions a child's paternity and suggests the mailman might be the actual father? Slut shaming and misogyny are classic comedy staples, right? Well, do yourself a favor and don't name your child after your mailman in attempt to create the world's best set-up for a joke.
5. Your Frenemy
Trying to outsmart your frenemy is a futile game no one can win. You like an unflattering picture of her on Facebook, she tags you in one you forgot about, the cycle goes on and on and can mess with your head. So don't name your child after your frenemy because your fried brain thinks this will be the ultimate burn.
6. Your Waxer
Your waxer has braved jungles even Bear Grylls wouldn't go near. An aesthetician sees you at your worst, turn you into your best, and never brings up that one time you accidentally farted during a Brazilian. You owe this person plenty, and it's touching that you would want to honor them, but please don't name your baby after your waxer.
7. Your Favorite Fictional Characters
You might have your own, very logical explanation for liking certain characters from literature and film, but consider the implications if you named your child after them. Psycho is a great movie, but Norman Bates isn't a great name for your son. Hamlet is a classic by Shakespeare, but Hamlet and his mother, Gertrude, have a tense relationship at best.